A True Story
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: After reaching a landmark like one hundred fics, it is only natural to get roasted by your colleagues. [Self-MST, rated M in a few chapters]
1. Opening Song Number

**A True Story**

An... _Evilfuzzy9 _fanfic...?

By...

...

...well...

_EvilFuzzy9_

(so freaking meta, yo)

* * *

><p><em>'Author has written 100 stories for Naruto, Invader Zim, Avatar: Last Airbender, Bible, Metroid, Legend of Zelda, Bleach, Hayate the Combat Butler, Lord of the Rings, Fairy Tail, Harry Potter, Evangelion, Gintama, Corpse Party, Legend of Korra, Fire Emblem, Teen Titans, Red vs. Blue, X-overs, Silmarillion, and Anime X-overs.'<em> — my profile on this site, as of my one hundredth fic.

A short-ish, portly man walked onto a stage. He was dressed his best in a fine burgundy tweet jacket and matching dress pants. He was wearing a brand new pair of semi-rectangular glasses with rounded frames, and well-shined black church shoes.

His hair was dark brown, almost black, and it was conspicuously combed only poorly. He had long, slightly uneven sideburns, a modestly bristled mustache, and an unshaven chin. His pasty, computer screen-bleached skin looked a little greasy in the spotlight, and it was pockmarked with mild acne. He did not show his teeth, and his smile was a little weak.

His bloodshot brown eyes were baggy and lined with the ghastly bluish-gray of chronic sleep deprivation. His simultaneously scrawny yet pudgy arms (what little could be seen of them) were covered with hair, and his fingernails were unevenly clipped. If he opened his mouth, you would have seen crooked, yellowing, badly-worn teeth.

"Oy," he said, pitching his voice low to hide the fact that it was high-pitched and nasally. "Who's writing this description? I know I didn't exactly want to present some kind of sickeningly idealized version of myself to the audience, but this is starting to sound like the narrator is just ripping into me for the sake of making me sound as bad as possible."

"I think it's perfectly accurate, _dummkopf!_" came the voice of prototypical tsundere, Asuka Sohryu Langley from somewhere outside the scene.

The man on stage blinked. "Eh?" he said. "Who are you? Asuka? But, I never actually wrote a fic with you... Hell, I've only written one NGE thing _period_, and I never even saw the original show, anyways."

He frowned.

"...of course, I suppose you _are_ fairly cute," he conceded. "I mean, I've seen you in plenty of hentai doujinshi... though a lot of artists tend to greatly exaggerate your bust size, by my understanding..."

Asuka swore virulently in German. "_Sei doch nicht so ein perverses Schwein!_"

The man on stage stuck his tongue out at her, wherever she was. "You're the one who started it," he retorted immaturely.

"And you're a fat pervert," retaliated Asuka.

The man on stage scowled, furrowing his brow irritably. A moment later, the famous redhead appeared on stage, dressed in a _distinctly_ inappropriate bikini.

Her face turned beet red, and she immediately moved her hands to cover herself.

"Argh...! Freak! Pervert! Bastard!" she snarled at the man.

He simply shrugged. "Hey, I'm the author of this," he said. "And I haven't done the self insert thing in forever. But this is a very special occasion, so I'm bending the rules."

Asuka whimpered, shyly removing her hands. Her expression softened. Her glimmered as she looked at him. "Oh... Fuzzy... I never realized how... how _handsome_ you were..." she mewled. "Please... kiss me..."

She walked forward slowly, shyly leaning forward and puckering her lips—

"AHHH! That's not what's happening!" Asuka exclaimed. "I'm not doing any of that. He's just writing it to make it look like I am!"

EvilFuzzy9 afforded himself a smirk at Asuka, who was actually clad in a perfectly conservative yellow sundress. "See?" he said smugly. "You don't screw with the author."

"Tch. Whatever," the redhead muttered irritably. "Don't you have a big fanfiction special to introduce, or whatever?"

Fuzzy blinked. "OH RIGHT!" he said. "I almost forgot about that."

Asuka face-faulted.

"_Dummkopf_..." she muttered under her breath.

Clearing his throat sheepishly, the emcee and author took out a roll of paper. "Well!" he said. "Since this is my hundredth fanfic spectacular, we'll be having quite an assortment of guests! There'll be at least one character from every one of the fandoms I've written for, so this will be quite a long guest list!"

He paused a moment for dramatic effect. Then, in a surprising good bass/tenor singing voice, he proceeded to, well, _sing_.

"_Well, to start things off, why don't you know!  
>First come, first serve, guests on my shooooow!<em>"

He paused to take a deep breath, before continuing.

_"Oh, redhead! Pettan! Asuka, from Neon Genesis Evangelion!  
>Tsundere she defines, a psycho-violent anti-Pygmalion!<em>"

Asuka glared.

"_But next and more importantly, to give this some authority,  
>Here's fire-lass Azula, queen of Alpha-Bitch Sorority!<br>And with her comes the master pair of ge-ni-us comedical,  
>Toph Bei Fong the badass and Sokka the re-me-di-al!<em>"

"Hey!" shouted Sokka, making his appearance on stage next to Azula and Toph. They were all dressed in their usual garb.

"_Next from anime and manga of shinobi and mega-hype,  
>Super-pervert Jiraiya of Obi Wan Kenobi type!<br>And don't forget his loudmouth, dumbass, knuckleheaded student guy,  
>Naruto the most imprudent, orange-clad Jesus ninja, "Why?"<br>Followed up by loner, stoner, ultra-emo-venger-san,  
>Sasuke of Uchiha with his super-duper sharingan,<br>Plus shrinking violet, moe-blob, oh-so-kawaii Hinata,  
>As effective in a battle as a level seven Rattata~!"<em>

Said characters appeared in a puff of smoke. Sasuke glowered, Hinata blushed, Jiraiya laughed, and Naruto scratched his head, confused.

"_Now alien incompetent, insipid, insane 'vader Zim,  
>Plus Gir a retard robot who couldn't win a matchsticks sim,<br>Then come Dib and Gaz the Membrane sibling/children/clones?  
>Paranoid the big-head and a hate-filled handheld gaming drone."<br>_

"Alien? Who is an alien?!" exclared Zim in a grandiose voice. "I am no alieeeen!"

"And my head is NOT BIG!" cried out Dib frustratedly.

"Shut it, billboard brow," grunted Gaz.

"Oh _come on!_ Now we're mixing references?"

"_After these here crazy kids, a heroine of badass rep,  
>Despite what anyone might say, never with a dragon slept.<em>"

Samus walked out onto the stage, arms crossed over her chest. She was clad in only her Zero suit, which clung unusually close to her figure.

"Damn perverts," she muttered coldly, her eyes dark.

"_And here to save the princess from pigs and thieves and what-have-you,  
>Legendary hero Link, of Courage reborn <em>n_ times two_,  
><em>And snarky-alec-dere guide, princess of the lost Twilight<em>  
><em>With a figure to set every state from here to Hyrule straight alight.<em>"

Midna smirked, striking a bit of a smug pose. Link took one look at Samus and gave her a playful wink.

The pirate hunter rolled her eyes.

"_And feckless protag harem-bait, Hayate true-dunderhead,_  
><em>Butler to a mistress who's as much a NEET as he's ill-bred,<em>  
><em>Then 'Nom nom' snacking Hamster-chan, Ayumu could it be true?<em>  
><em>Your crush still has yet to answer that impassioned 'I love you!'<em>  
><em>Plus funny, silly, crazy cuckoolander lass kouhai,<em>  
><em>Fumi Hibino the girl whose brain is likely made of pie.<em>"

Ayumu looked depressed at the reminder of her failed love confession. Hayate blinked, confused, smiling uncertainly.

"Ehhh!? Pie?! But what kind...? Is my brain cherry or rhubarb?" was all Fumi had to say.

Ayumu's stomach growled. She blushed.

"_Next on the list's a stalwart dwarf, Gimli grandson of Longbeard Groin,_  
><em>His friendship with Prince Legolas must surely vex his father, Gloin,<em>  
><em>Then Per-e-grin, Mer-i-a-doc, Frodo, Samwise – that's a lot!<em>  
><em>This Fellowship has sure become a really damn big melting pot~❤<em>  
><em>Plus Gandalf Grey and Aragorn and Legolas and Boromir,<em>  
><em>And wretched, sneaking Sme-a-gol by every light source filled with fear.<em>"

"Sssssss," Gollum hissed at Fuzzy, lamplike eyes narrowed into a deathly glare. "Precious killsed the Rakesies dead, but still no tasty fishies for poor Precious to eat. We hateses him, yesss."

"At least you've actually _appeared_ in a fic," was the general sentiment of the Fellowship's collective mutterings. "There's no way the author can use, or _manage_, this many characters."

"_From wizard guild of Fairy Tail comes Dragon Slayer power three,_  
><em>Gajeel, Natsu Salamander, and ir-re-pres-si-ble Wendy,<em>  
><em>And headstrong, The Knight, redhead fashionista Erza the Scarlet,<em>  
><em>Discipline and lunacy are hand-in-hand with this starlet.<br>__Then throwing in another young and golden wizard power trio, _  
><em>Harry, Ron, Hermione (plus Samui, Karui, Omoi, yo~!)<em>  
><em>Killer Bee and Rubeus – accents, rhyming, O what <strong>fun<strong>**!**_  
><em>This Chara-list is getting rather overlong and tangled, son.<em>"

Ron frowned at Natsu and Erza, as well as Karui.

"Why's he lumping us all together?" said the gangling ginger. "Just because half of us are redheads—"

"I think your math might need double-checking, Ron," Hermione interjected.

"_Now because reaction scenes are really quite, quite hard to write,_  
><em>When you're loading up with this much guests, it can only lead into a fight,<em>  
><em>With lots of scratching, kicking, biting; tons and tons of other things—<em>  
><em>My breath is coming to me short, it's getting rather hard to sing.<em>..  
><em>But do not worry, do not fret, and don't give me that moping stuff,<em>  
><em>I can yet soldier on some more... although my throat is getting rough...<em>"

The assembled guest stars all shared skeptical looks with one another. Some of the ruder ones made some **very** impolite gestures at Fuzzy's back.

"_Noooow... froooom... random, raunchy, rather vulgar shonen manga Gintama,_  
><em>(Sounds a lot like testicles...) come our very own Yo-ro-zu-ya!<em>  
><em>Good-for-nothing, natural-permed, washed-up ronin Gintoki,<em>  
><em>A name which bears phonetic semblance to the state of Kentucky,<em>  
><em>And aru, aru, Kagura-ru, holy dances, Kagura,<em>  
><em>Pretty, filthy-minded thug from Yato-land in Space China,<em>  
><em>Then otaku of idol type, a four-eyed samurai trainee,<em>  
><em>In every way completely bland, it's Shinpachi the tsukkomi~<em>"

"Space China, aru?" said Kagura confusedly. "Where's that?"

"Near Yato-land, apparently," drawled Gin-san, lazily picking at a scab inside his nose.

"...I wouldn't have to be throwing punchlines around all the time if the people around me weren't such idiots..." muttered Shinpachi a little darkly.

"_Of Corpse Party my recollections are but yet quite very dim,_  
><em>Plus I never finished so I'm kinda going on a limb,<br>__But I remember master creepster Morishige necrophile,_  
><em>Something, something, he was rich, plus also weird and kinda vile.<em>"

Nobody appeared.

Not that anyone seemed to notice, or care.

"_Now A:TLA sequel, long in coming, (where is Sokka?) Korra's tale,_  
><em>As Avatar she's pretty cool, could probably bench press a whale.<em>  
><em>Although her taste in men may seem a little blandly typical<br>__You gotta say with Mako's name, when he's old he should be cool._"

Korra looked uncertain how to react to her introduction. Mako was frowning a tad irritably at Fuzzy.

"How much longer can this possibly go on...?" he muttered.

"I don't think we _wan__t _to know," was Korra's only response.

"_And for the final, finish line, panting, sprinting old heave-ho!_  
><em>Let's wrap this all right neatly up with one last real long breathless go!<br>__For Fire Emblem strategy, Rusky-speaking Gregor merc,_  
><em>Hitching up with Nowi's really just a pretty bonus perk,<em>  
><em>Plus noble Chrom and Lucia, with holy swords they go to war,<em>  
><em>Guys with names like Grima are just in places all abhorred.<em>  
><em>Teen Titans go to victory with Star and Rae, and BB, Cy,<em>  
><em>Batman's former protege, Robin is their leader guy,<em>  
><em>Teenaged heroes fighting crime, maybe not original,<em>  
><em>But it ain't like television was ever really virginal;<em>  
><em>Then MJOLNIR-wearing lunatics and idiots, all erratic,<em>  
><em>When Red and Blue are your best hope, you really should begin the panic!<em>  
><em>Maybe not the best tribute to modern major generals,<em>  
><em>But damned if they won't make you laugh, and maybe think, in intervals...<em>  
><em>Yet if for Silmarils it is that holy treasure which you seek, <em>  
><em>Don't be afraid to stand up tall, or your name to loudly speak,<em>  
><em>'Cause Feanor's been made to promise that he sure won't try to bite,<em>  
><em>So I say there really is no need to let yourselves be filled with fright!<em>"

Fuzzy then took one last breath, before promptly collapsing, unconscious. The crowd of guests immediately dispersed, grumbling in annoyance.

Well.

Now that that's over and done with, let's get started with the actual main attraction! :D

What? Who am _I?_

Hah! Haven't you punks ever heard of the legendary Fairy Kyuubi?

...oh, fine. Laugh if you want. But I'll show you! I'll show you all, I say! And then I'LL be the one laughing! HAH!

Chew on _that._

* * *

><p>Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:<p>

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the First:**

Parrotboy the tale of How Sasuke got his Hairstyl

_This is how I think Sasuke got his hairstyle, rated 'cause I don't wanna get sued. Enjoy!_

Sasuke: *scowls* I'm going to hate this, aren't I?

Hinata: Ah... Probably.

_Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 270 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 6/25/2006 - Published: 6/25/2006 - Sasuke U. - Complete_

Naruto: Eh? What's that?

Jiraiya: Don't worry about it, kid. Just stuff that would go way over your head.

_Parrot-Boy a tale of Sasuke's hairstyle by EvilFuzzy9_

_A/N: This my first fic ,probably a oneshot. But boy was it difficult to upload it. Hope you like it please R&R!_

Jiraiya (Wincing): Wow. That was almost painful to read.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I own Sasuke's ridiculous haircut._

Sasuke: *twitching eye*

_(I am suddenly trampled by Sasuke fangirls )_

Naruto (grumbling): Bah. Why's it always **Sasuke** fangirls...? When's it gonna be MY turn?!

Hinata: *blush*

_ O-on with the show uuh ._

_It was dawn a time when any sane person would be asleep, but 5 year old Sasuke Uchiha is far from sane. "ANIKI WAKE UP I WANNA PWAY WIT YOOOUUU!"_

Sasuke: *second eye starts twitching*

Naruto: *snigger* Haha! You sound like a complete dork!

_"Uuuuhhh… Sasuke lemme sleep" groaned a certain future nuke-nin._

_"Otay" chibi-Sasuke pouted ( random fangirl: Aaaaww )._

Sasuke (muttering): I hate fangirls.

Hinata: Meep. *ducks behind Naruto*

_So after that failed attempt at torturing - I mean playing with Itachi ;he decided to partake of that horrendous atrocity/glorious diversion we call television documentaries._

Hinata: Do we even HAVE television in our world...?

Naruto: Yeah, I think so. I've got a TV in my room, actually. Although I've never used it.

Jiraiya (dismissively): Not much on in the Leaf.

Sasuke: My parents always said that TV rots peoples brains. Which would explain a lot, I suppose.

_Man on tv: The male cockatiel ,to garner attention, has a crest of feathers on its head._

_Struck with inspiration he decides to emulate the cockatiel. After applying a bottle of gel to his cranium he rushes off to pester a certain Itachi Uchiha._

_So a traumatized Itachi decides to exact his revenge on the devil in tan shorts. Little did he realize his new hairstyle would have an almost aphrodisiacal effect on the majority of the Konoha kunoichi._

Naruto: Wait, how would that affect Itachi?

Sasuke: Actually, I think it was supposed to affect ME. It's bad sentence placement.

_ That is the real reason that Sasuke is perpetually harassed by rabid fangirls his lame, parrot-boy, hairstyle, and the reason that Itachi slaughtered the Uchihas._

Jiraiya: Well, that certainly trivializes the many social, political, and ideological factors that all played roles in leading up to the Uchiha Massacre.

Sasuke: *scoffs* And people thought this was _funny?_

Naruto: Yeah, I don't see it.

_Please review don't flame me I know I stink if you disagree please contact me by clicking the purple button and sending me a nice long review._

_FIN JA_

Hinata: ...that's almost depressing.

Sasuke: Maybe in how bad it was.

Naruto: I think that guy needs counseling.

Jiraiya (sotto voce): *side-eyeing Sasuke* And he's not the only one.

Sasuke: *glare* I _heard_ that.

* * *

><p>AN: This was really ambitious, but dammit all I wanted something _special_ for my entry into the triple digits.

And just in case it wasn't clear: ALL OF THE FICS BEING MST'ed HEREIN ARE MINE.

Also, I decided it would be easier for all if I divided this into twenty parts, as opposed to my original plan of doing it all in ONE BIG PART.

**Updated: **1-27-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	2. Another Day

**[NOTE FROM EDITOR FRANK KNIVES: This section rated unofficially M for vulgar language, just as a precaution.]**

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the Second:**

Another Day

_A story about nothing in particular. bit o' innuendo. NaruHina' random._

_Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,114 - Reviews: 13 - Updated: 6/26/2006 - Published: 6/26/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete_

Feanor: ..._Why_ was I chosen to review this?

Asuka: Hell if _I _know. You look like an asshole.

Feanor: And you look like a scarcely blossomed mortal trollop.

Asuka: *immediately jumps up and tries to strangle Feanor*

_EF9:Okay here is a new story. Thanks to those who reviewed on Parrotboy, you make me feel all (coughevilcough) fuzzy._

Feanor: ...I feel this be an ominous sign as to the manner of prose we may expect to find within.

Asuka: Ugh. What a lame pun.

_Disclaimer: I own Naruto as much as I own Masashi Kishimoto_

_Drip drip drip. It was raining. Pat pat pat. He was running, running from something terrible. Something terrible, furious, and pink._

Asuka: *snorts* Pansy.

_"NARUTO!" You would think he'd know better by now, but no, he just had to give in to temptation._

_He just had to ask Sakura if she was a natural pinky. _

Feanor: ...Natural... _pinky_...?

_Not the best thing to say during target practice. Now he was dodging a barrage shuriken while his no-good 'sensei' was wasting his time teaching a disinterested Sasuke about the finer points of the opposite sex, whilst said opposite sex (including a ticked-off Tsunade and a furious DEIDARA!) was chasing a giddy Jiraiya and blushing Orochimaru for, well, it's rather obvious for heaven's sake._

Asuka: Wait, what?

Feanor: *wince*

_Naruto slowed down as Sakura finally passed out from exhaustion. It was now lunchtime so everyone's favorite jinchuuriki (no not Gaara, Naruto) decided to go to lunch at Ichiraku._

Feanor: I do not understand. I do not know who _either_ of those people are. Who is Gaara? Who is Naruto? What is Ichiraku? And **what**, praytell, is a _jinchuuriki?_

Asuka: ...you don't get out much, do you?

Feanor: I do not. Spending most all of your days chained away in the darkest depths of the impregnable fortress of Mandos does somewhat make it difficult to get one's hands on a copy of _Shonen Jump_.

Asuka (disbelieving): ...You read _Jump?_

Feanor: Not since _Dragonball_ ended.

_Now today was the birthday of one Hyuuga Hinata, who was being presented with the house specialty (a bowl of ramen with candles in it. Neji: Isn't that a fire haza-. he is then silenced by Ayame. Hiashi: Finally.) When everyone is settled down they find that Hinata has blown out the candles._

Asuka (sarcastically): Wow. What compelling pacing.

_"So daughter-chan, did you make a wish?" inquired Hiashi._

_"Y-yes f-fa-father," she replied._

Feanor: Grow a backbone, child! Cease your whimpering and your stuttering!

Asuka: *inches away from Feanor*

_"What did you wish?" asked Ten-ten._

_"Don't be ridiculous, she OBVIOUSLY wished she was as strong as me!" retorted Hanabi , as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

Asuka: I'm sorry. _Who_ are you?

Feanor (sarcastically): Clearly an individual of great power and respect.

Asuka: *blink* Did... did you just make a _joke?_

Feanor (sarcastic, again): Noooo, _perish_ the thought.

_"While that would be a smart wish, she no doubt wished to have silky, manageable hair such as mine," said the arrogant-like-there-is-no-tomorrow Neji._

_"Manageable, HA, you have to brush it 1,000 times a day," guffawed Kiba, who, somehow had managed to get ramen everywhere, including the seat of his pants. Don't ask me how, he just did._

_"fhgfcbv,hlkhlghhfrherttksnifkhsiul,"_

Feanor: ...what?

_said Shino, but Kurenai, Kiba, and Mr. Aburame knew what it meant, it was Kikai for: "She clearly wished for me to lay her, which I will gladly do." _

Asuka (hissing):_** What?**_

_Kurenai stood there with her jaw agape, Kiba (again, I don't know how he knew Kikai, he just did) wolf-whistled, Mr.A. dragged Shino home for a tedious, psychologically scarring lecture on 'the birds and the bees'(that would consist mostly of long awkward pauses), and the others just ignored them as per status quo._

Feanor: So... this accomplishes _nothing?_

Asuka: That's pretty much fanfiction in a nutshell.

_"Yosh! She clearly wished for the courage to make the most of her springtime of youth!"_

_"OH LEE!"_

_"GAI-SENSEI!"_

_"LEE!"_

_"GAI-SENSEI!" and they hugged in front of a sun-set, even though it's only noon._

Feanor (staring blankly): ... ... ...what?

Asuka: *drooling a little* Me-_yoww_. The older one actually doesn't look half bad...

Feanor: ... *inches away from Asuka*

_Right then I decided to invoke my mighty author powers (closest I'll ever get to omnipotence) and teleported to the fan-fiction_

Asuka: Wait.

_allowing my body to adapt to this new environment_

Feanor: Wait.

_changing to reflect the power I have in their universe_

Asuka: No. NO FUCKING WAY.

_so I resembled a brown Kyuubi with brown eyes._

Feanor: What in the name of...?

_I then invoked the ultimate power passed on to me by my French heritage._

Asuka: _Gott in himmel_, ANYTHING but this. Christ, no! Not a fucking self-insert! NO!

_I glared, a glare with so much contempt and haughtiness that several angels attempted to commit suicide, 'cept they remembered that they're immortal and can't._

Feanor: What. WHAT. I... I do not even. I cannot. This is... just, **_what?_**

_So they settled for pounding Lee and Gai to a pulp. Satisfied that the morons were silenced I poofed away, content to resume my story._

Asuka: Motherfucking _fuck!_ Jesus H. Christ! Mary mother of Joseph! Shit-pissing cock-mongers!

Feanor (traumatized): Truly, I have seen the face of madness. All is for naught. We exist upon the precipice of chaos in a cold, unfeeling Universe. No just Creator could ever allow this.

Asuka: Wait, wasn't your dad _killed_ by a god?

Feanor: All sanity is an illusion. Reality is but a delusion.

Asuka: *sigh* Why do I always get stuck with the wackjobs?

_"Uuuh, yeah. Well I think Hinata wished for a boyfriend, am I right?" said a winking-like-she-had-pink-eye Ino._

Feanor: Is **no one** going to comment on... whatever that WAS that just happened...?

Asuka: Probably not.

Feanor: ...

_"W-we-well y-yeah s-so-sorta." Said Hinata. Just then, in a hurry to get ramen, one Uzumaki Naruto tripped and landed face-first in Hinata's lap._

Asuka: *twitch*

_But oblivious as ever Naruto just sat up and got out his wallet only to find… "NNOOOO! sniff Gama-chan is dead!" a chibified Naruto sat there looking at his pitifully empty frog purse. Hinata was heart-broken she had to comfort him. So she said the first thing that came into her pretty little stalker head._

_"Naruto if you want we could share my ramen," she was no longer stammering and had a mischievious smirk._

Asuka (sarcastically): Well THAT certainly isn't out of character. No, not at all!

_"Sure okay," said Naruto. So they began slurping up noodles until suddenly… in a clichéd 'The Lady and The Tramp' moment they kissed, I shouldn't have to say how it happened, as for what it was like, well use your imagination you dirty little pervert._

_However as you may have guessed Neji and Hiashi were furious that Naruto would 'dare take advantage of an innocent girl' and Hanabi was jealous that Hinata had kissed Naruto first (yes they both wanted him, Hanabi just never had enough screen-time to show it._

_So the three of them gentle-fisted Naruto to Timbuktu._

Feanor: ...Where?

Asuka: *shrug*

_TEN YEARS LATER IN TIMBUKTU_

_Emperor Naruto was ecstatic, he had finally completed the time-space conciousness injector._

Asuka: ...I don't even know where to _begin_ saying WHAT on this one.

Feanor: I think I started saying it somewhere around "Drip", and just never stopped.

Asuka: Yeah, that sounds about right.

_Why was he working on one and since when was he an emperor? Well when he landed in Timbuktu he landed on their tyrannical dictator squishing him._

_So the natives proclaimed him a god, but he was like 'no' and they were like 'oh'. So then they proclaimed him emperor, and he was like 'okay'._

Asuka: ...okay, that bit was actually kind of witty. Just a little.

Feanor: Now if only it were located in a less terrible story.

_At first he was going to just return to Konoha, but it turned that Hinata got mad and blew everything up, and then he was sad, so he vowed to go back in time and prevent this grave error. It was a lucky thing that Timbuktu was the time travel capital of the world._

Asuka: No, I'm pretty sure it isn't.

Feanor: Is it even a real place?

Asuka: *shrugs* How the fuck should I know?

_So here he is and he pressed a big flashing button and he poofed away._

_TEN YEARS AGO KONOHA_

Asuka: Still a crappy transition.

_There was an unseen flash and future-Naruto's mind was temporarily fused with Naruto, then the whole kiss thing happened, so future-Naruto told Naruto to duck and he did. Then Future-Naruto told Naruto to take Hinata now._

_So Naruto pulled her an embrace, and of course the others had to ruin the moment by asking what Hinata wished for._

Feanor: ...? Didn't they assault him physically before, when he kissed her? Why are they being so nonchalant now?

Asuka: What, you actually looking for _continuity_ in this crap?

Feanor: Ah, yes. My mistake.

_"This," she said._

_"I'm glad I'm with you, Hinata-chan," Naruto said. "You're nice and sweet; nothing like that witch Sakura."_

_"NARUTO!"_

Asuka: What do you bet that's Sakura, right now?

_"Crud."_

_Drip, drip, drip. It was raining. Pat, pat, pat. He was running, running from something terrible. Something terrible, furious, and pink. _

Feanor: Looks like it's her.

Asuka: Called it.

_"NARUTO!" You would think he would know better by now, but no, he just had to give in to temptation._

_Yup, just another day in that madhouse, Konoha._

_Hope you like, please review!_

Asuka: I do not like.

Feanor: And I have _no_ desire to view THAT again.

Asuka: *sighs in relief* At least it's over, though.

Feanor: For_ us_, maybe.

* * *

><p>AN: _Editor Frank Knives_. XD

**Updated: **1-27-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	3. Invader Naruto

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the Third:**

Invader Naruto

_Invader Zim is in Naruto's world! Madness ensues and all hell breaks loose. Chapter 5 is up. Fem!DeiNaru, SasuSaku, NaruHina hints. Stupid perverts and traumatized prodigies, oh my!_

Dib: Oh NO. Please don't tell me...

Zim: *runs around screaming* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO _ZIM!_ I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!

Gaz (playing her Gameslave /defaultstateofbeing): Shut up or I'll kill you.

Gir: *joins Zim in running around screaming* WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I LIKE WAFFLES! WILL YOU BE MAH FRIEND, MISTER BIG HEAD? MAKE ME WAFFLES! WEEEAAAAAAHH!

_Crossover - Invader Zim & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,564 - Reviews: 27 - Updated: 7/11/2006 - Published: 6/28/2006 - Zim - Complete_

Dib: Wait. I'm not even listed as a main character? All that suffering, and I didn't even get top billing?!

Gaz (still playing her Gameslave): Why _would_ you? There were only two slots for characters back then. Remember?

Dib: No. Because I have purposely repressed any and all memory of this site. And basically the entire rest of the internet, too.

Gaz (STILL playing her Gameslave): The slash fics?

Dib (haunted): *shudder* That shouldn't even be physically _possible_...

Gaz (okay, just assume that, unless otherwise noted, she is speaking while playing her Gameslave): Wimp.

_INVADER NARUTO._

_An Invader Zim Naruto crossover._

_A/N: I just thought of this and it is completely random. It is rated T for absurd self-inserts, rubber piggies, ramen, gameslaves, uber-sadistic jounin instructors, and nubs of doom._

Gir: I **LIKE** doom!

Zim: As does ZIM. Even if it comes in the form of _nubs_.

_666_

_It was a calm and sunny day of no particular importance in wherever-the-the-heck-it-is-that-Zim-goes-to-school._

Dib: HEY! What about me and Gaz?

Zim: Nobody cares about YOOOOUUU!

_Now to avoid the pointless plot hole filling one would normally have to do with a cross over, I will use what a clever author does at a time like this, I invoke a time-skip, right… now._

Gaz: No, that's what a LAZY author does.

_666_

_Now Zim, Dib, and Gaz are now genin under the tutelage of me, EvilFuzzy9 who will now be referred to as EF9, just 'cause I'm lazy like that… yeah._

Zim: Lazy FOOOOL!

_"Now let me get this straight, we are in an altern-,"_

_"Hai," I said interrupting Dib._

Gir: He's makin' fun of the big head. I LIKE MAKIN FUN OF THE BIG HEAD. :D

Dib: Wait. How did you do that?

_"But wai-," started Dib as he was cut off by Zim._

Zim: ZIM IS VICTORIOUS!

Dib: No, seriously. How did he do that? How did he _say_ that? ...How _would_ you say that? "Colon dee?"

Gaz: Nobody _cares_.

_"And YOU are going to teach us powerful techniques called jutsus, correct?" questioned aforementioned invader._

_"Hai, eventually." I said answering the bug-eyed freak (in this fic Zim won't need to disguise himself, but GIR shall still were his dog-suit for the purpose of future gags)._

Zim: NOOO! Zim is EXPOSED!

_"Hey! How come you didn-,"started Dib but he was cut off by a thoroughly irate Gaz._

_"Shut up, you're annoying," she said._

Gaz: The only accurate part of this fic.

_666_

_EF9: How's that, well, should I continue this or kick it to the curb? Please review and give me your opinion, and I accept flames even though they encourage DarkEvilFuzzy666 shudder and believe me you don't want to encourage HIM._

Dib: I dunno, that depends. Is he a better writer than _you?_

Gir: I WANNA DO THE NEXT CHAPTER! :DDD

Dib: How! How are you doing that?!

_EF9: Hello! I can't believe no one reviewed!_

_DEF666: I can, you're a pathetic excuse for a writer._

Gaz: I _like_ this guy. He says what we're all thinking.

Dib: You do realize that's just the same guy talking to himself, right?

Gaz: Like it's any crazier than the stuff _you_ do. Weirdo.

_EF9: Hey! I resent that! What about another day!_

_DEF666: Ugh, one good submission a writer, does not make._

Zim: I heard that was HORRIBLE.

_EF9: Oi, pardon DarkEvilFuzzy666 he truly is a lousy muse._

Gaz: He's a better muse than you are a writer.

_Meh, anyway, to present the disclaimer is Aburame Shino! applause_

_Shino:…_

_EF9: And there you have it! On with the show_

_Shino:…_

_DEF666: I hate all of you._

_666_

Gaz (sarcastically): Gotta love that six hundred and sixty-six motif. Loser.

_After establishing that they were now cadet ninjas, team 13 have decided to return to there respective homes which had inexplicably gotten transported there. Upon returning home Zim got tackled by a pile of ramen cups._

Zim: GET IT OFF OF MEEEEEE!

_" HI THERE," eagerly shouted the pile._

Gir: HI THERE! :D

Dib: SERIOUSLY! HOW?!

_" Greetings GIR, I assume you retrieved the scrolls," Zim said to the pile._

Zim: Do not speak to the evil _pile!_

_" YUP!" replied the pile as it exploded away to reveal a pitifully misshapen 'dog' holding an orange book in it's arms,_

Dib (scoffing): The dog is arms?

Gir: And then the doggie was arms. I LIKE ARMS!

_which it then dutifully deposited on the floor in front of it's master._

_"Hmmm, interesting," said Zim as he opened the book to see a faded message on the inside of the cover. The only words he could make out were 'student', 'present', 'insperation', and something about bullets and spirals. It was signed with a disturbingly happy frog on the bottom._

Dib: Why are all of these things in your home, Zim?

Zim: DO NOT ASK ZIM SUCH TRIVIAL QUESTIONS!

_"Meh," and he tossed it aside… where it was caught by a pale individual with lavender eyes and violet hair, who then turned beet red upon glancing at the cover._

_"Meep!" went one Hyuuga Hinata._

_"Huh," went Kurenai as she read the title 'Icha Icha Paradise: Of Hungry Foxes, Cherry Trees, And Pools Of Lavender'. "Oi," she went, as she sweat dropped at the cheesy title._

_"Hey, what's with the green dog?" asked Kiba._

Dib: Why does nobody else notice these things?

_"Arf,"_

_"Hai,_

Gaz: Yes, hello? You sound like an idiot. Stop it.

_Akamaru, it does smell like Naruto. Hmm... weird."_

_'Naruto, huh? He must be the one who GIR got that odd book from,' thought Zim. Who was unaware of a certain bug user look him up and down witha slight blush on his concealed face._

_' Wow he's cute,' Shino thought. (A/N: No this is not yaoi, I just thought it would be funny since Zim kinda looks like abug, yeah.)_

Zim: I am no bug! I AM ZIM!

_"I WANNA WATCH THE MONKEY," GIR shouted, staring at Kiba._

_'Amazing' thought Kurenai, ' that dog is dumber than Kiba.' She then looked over to see Akamaru sniffing himself((1)) and Kiba doing likewise, 'then again, maybe not' as she sweat dropped._

Gaz: Boys are disgusting.

_THUD " W-wh-who's a-at th-the d-d-d-door?" asked a shaken Hinata. The door swung open to reveal..._

_EF9: HA! A cliff hanger... I'm so evil. _

Zim: NOT AS EVIL AS ZIIIIIIIIIM!

_Well please review I need to know what you people think. Tell me if you think if Ishould continue this fic and hope I can salvage what could be a good idea. Or if I should let it go to join the other lost ideas in the grave yard of my mind. And yes, I know my first chapter stunk, which is why I'm going to put this on hiatus until I have enough reviews to know what the public wants._

_TTFN!_

Dib: I say it should've gone to the graveyard.

Gaz: Along with your head.

Dib: My head is NOT BIG! Why does everybody keep saying that?!

_Fairy Kyuubi: Well, this is a crossover?_

_EF9:Hai_

_Fairy Kyuubi: And I am just a muse? I can't be subjected to cruel gimmicks?_

_EF9: Pretty much._

_Fairy Kyuubi: Fair enough. EF9 doesn't own me, Naruto, or Invader Zim._

Dib (muttering): Thank goodness for small mercies.

_EF9: Right, all credit for Fairy Kyuubi Goes to LackOfName._

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOO_

_As Dib and Gaz got to their house, a small explosion, followed by a loud cry of "DYNAMIC ENTRY TIMES FOUR!"_

Zim: ...Foolish human. He forgot to finish his sentence.

Dib: Are you finally done chewing on the scenery, then?

Zim: NEVER! I AM ZIM! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!

_There in the clearing smoke stood four figures, who, by Dib's reckoning, were a blind girl ((1)), a Star Wars fanatic ((2)), and two … things._

Gir: Ooh! Ooh! Imma thing! Is it me? It's me, isn't it!

Gaz (sotto voce): *side-eyes Gir* Weirdo.

_As Dib was staring and Gaz was… being Gaz, yeah,_

Dib: You mean playing videogames and being a horrible little sister?

Gaz:*punches Dib in the arm*

Dib: OW!

_Thing1 spoke._

_"Greetings, new shinobi of the leaf. By how cool you and hip you are acting I can see that you are exemplary examples of the fiery spirit of the springtime of youth!"_

_"Gai-sensei you are so youthful and hip!_

_"LEE!"_

Dib: Oh no. Not THAT. Hasn't he overused that enough?

_"GAI-SENSEI!"_

_"LEE!"_

Zim: Apparently NOT!

_"GAI-SENSEI!"_

_"Shut. Up." Said Gaz in an eerily low voice._

Gaz: Hmph. That's actually accurate.

_And Dib was shaking in his Mysterious Mysteries brand boots._

Dib: Sheesh. What's this guy HAVE against me? I'm the protagonist!

Zim: No! ZIM IS THE PROTAGONIST! Stupid _Dib_ boy. My NAME is in the TITLE!

Dib (muttering): By that logic, Sauron would be the main character of the Lord of the Rings.

Gaz: *scoff* _Nerd_.

_( Gulp I think we should leave them there for a couple hours._

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOO_

Gir squealed metallically. "I'M GONNA SING THE DOOM SONG! :DDD"

Zim and Gaz leveled simultaneous glares at the robot. "**No.**"

Dib's eyes bugged out, and she screamed in frustration. "HOW. IS. HE. DOING THAT?!"

_Naruto: So… we are supposed to occupy the readers with some kind of spur of the moment sketch?_

_Chouji: Yup. That's what the boss said._

_Ino: Shika, dear((3)), how do you think I look in this dress._

Dib shuddered. "Man, there is _so much_ wrong with that..." A pause. "Wait, when did the format of our comments change?"

Kagura popped in from the set where she and her fellow Odd Jobbers were doing their own commentary.

"When the author decided it would help to differentiate between the story and you, aru," she said matter-of-factly.

_Shikamaru: Troublesome woman._

_Sakura: SASUKE-KUN! You look hot! Would you like me to fan you?_

_Sasuke: You want to fan an Uchiha((4))?_

"...this is just one horrible pun after another, isn't it?" muttered Gaz darkly, the buttons of her Gameslave clicking furiously as she played.

_Itachi: Hahaha. Foolish nii-san._

_Kisame: Yeah what Itachi said._

_Sasori: Hey, Deidara, want some shark-fin soup?_

_Deidara: No, yeah. Hey! points at Naruto Who is the hottie?_

_Zetsu: Eye twitches_

Zim clapped hands to the side of his head, screaming in frustration. "YOUR INFERIOR EARTH HUMOR INFURIATES ME!"

"No, this is just bad humor," interjected Dib. "Period."

_Tobi: OBITOBITOBITO! Tobi is a big fan of Itachi((5))!_

"That was just a lucky guess," scoffed Gaz.

"Well, it was a pretty popular fan-theory around that time..." said Dib with a shrug.

"It was a stupid twist."

_Itachi: You're in._

_AL: Itachi you weasel((6))! Nobody joins without my permission!_

_Everyone:sweatdrop_

"I LIKE SWEATDROPS!"

"Shut up, Gir."

_Kakashi: Yo._

_Sakura and Naruto: YOU'RE LATE, THE SKETCH IS ALREADY OVER!_

Dib shook his head. "_Already?_" he parroted disbelievingly. "There was more content in that 'sketch' than in the actual chapter!"

"And it was all terrible," drawled Gaz.

"Well, _yeah_."

_Fairy Kyuubi: Review or I'll gouge your eyes out with Mr. Sporky._

_EF9: Okay. sweatdrop and laugh nervously while backing away slowly_

_((1)) Neji's byakugan makes him look blind and the long silky hair is girly._

_((2)) The buns make her look like Leiah (sp?)_

_((3)) Shika means deer, it's a pun._

_((4)) Uchiha means fan, once again it's a pun._

_((5)) Many believe that Tobi is Uchiha Obito, now look at 4._

_((6)) Itachi means weasel, yet another translation pun!_

"Egads, did the author actual think those were _clever?_" Dib said. "I feel dirty just reading it."

"At least we're not the ones doing the _porn_," muttered Zim.

Dib shivered.

"Thank heaven for small mercies."

_Nibi(Two Tailed Cat if you don't know): Why am I here?_

Gir ran around in circles. "WEEEYYAAAAAH! IT'S THE NEXT CHAPTER!"

Dib sighed longsufferingly. "Do you really have to do all of these in a row? Those other guys got off lucky with the oneshots. But this is a multi-chapter story!"

"I think it needs to have **plot** before you can call it a story," said Gaz.

"Oh, yeah. Fair enough," said Dib. "It still sucks, though."

_DEF666: Oh, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't expect everything to be as accommodating as the Akastuki demon extraction chamber. (Note the sarcasm.)_

"Did they really need parentheses for that?" mused Zim. "You'd think the sarcasm would be IMPLIED!"

_Kyuubi: Hey, cutie. How's about you and me go out on the town, baby?_

_DEF666: Sorry, I don't swing that way. Nothing personal._

_Kyuubi: I was talking to the lady da-_

"Yeah. REAL classy humor, here," drawled Dib, eyes half-lidded.

_EF9: (dropping from ceiling) Can it, light bulb butt._

Gaz snorted. "Gee, that was almost clever."

"So it was probably stolen from someone else," muttered Dib.

_Nibi: Where were you?_

_EF9: Is that the kind of greeting I get? After going through seven levels of Hades to get the plot for this chapter?_

_Shukaku: (Appearing out of thick air because he says 'thin air' is soo clichéd Thank Sir Chris for that line) What are you talking about? You just built off of a suggestion in a review from some guy. (GOMEN NASAI! I can't remember your name! Bad me! Bad!)_

"And he couldn't even bother to look it up? You humans DISGUST ME with your **laaazineeeess!**"

"And more joke theft," remarked Dib. "Terribly done, AND badly cited all at once. Truly, this man is the _Hemingway_ of his generation."

_EF9: (Doing an adorable chibi-pout) Just shut up and say the disclaimer._

Gaz shuddered. "Was he EVER adorable?"

Dib shrugged. "I dunno. How old was he when he wrote this? It was probably before he started growing that mustache..."

"Maybe, but _adorable?_" Gaz shook her head. "Bleah. I feel like I'm gonna barf."

_Shukaku: EvilFuzzy9 does not own 'Invader Zim', 'Naruto', or Fairy Kyuubi._

_EF9: (Going all 'anime-depression') Great, now I'm depressed. Excuse while I curl up and die._

_DEF666: OOH! Can I join you?_

_Kyuubi: (Grabbing me by the collar) Oh no you don't. You need to stay here and type the story._

_EF9: Aww… you take the fun out of everything._

"Again with the overly long disclaimers," said Dib. "That is really starting to get on my nerves."

_(With team 8 at Zim's house.)_

_When Kiba, Shino, Hinata, and Kurenai turned to the door they saw a green blur shoot out the door; knocking over team 10._

_"Yo." Greeted Asuma._

Gir: WHEEEEEEEEE!

Zim: That scene was POINTLESS! *shakes fist*

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOO_

_Zim collided with a certain flustered fox-boy, (three guesses who and the first two don't count) causing him to drop a letter smelling heavily of cheap cologne._

_"Naruto, hand over the note so that I can finish delivering it for my 'friend'," Sasuke threatened, in the cold, rarely emotional tone he always uses, because as the Uchiha prodigy he had to keep his cool. No not even this was worth raising his voice more than a decibel higher._

Dib: *scoffs* Thinks he's so much better than everyone else.

Gaz: I don't know, I thought he was cute.

Dib: *stares uncomprehendingly at Gaz*

_"Not on your life lover-boy," Naruto said emphasizing these two words like they were the secret of the universe, and to the general public they would be treated as such. For the village's problem-child, Naruto Uzumaki, who bore the unspoken burden((1)) like it was nothing (which to him it probably was, this idea of course only scared all those old enough to remember __**IT**__((2)), even more.), was inferring that Sasuke, THE Sasuke Uchiha, the villages prize duck-butt-head, actually feelings about another human other than hatred or extreme dislike!_

Gir: I's got FEELINGS TOO! LET'S ALL SING THE FEELINGS SONG!

All (minus Gir): **NO.**

_Zim, of course, was getting annoyed at there_

Dib: THEIR. It's THEIR, not THERE. HOW HARD IS THAT TO GET STRAIGHT?

_immature behavior, so he did the only rational thing. He smacked them upside the head and told them to shut up or else he would disembowel them and crushing all of their fingers and toes with thumbscrews._

Zim: I AM ZIM! NO MERCY TO THE _HYOOOOMANZ!_

_Well okay, rational to him._

_Sakura who had been watching this exchange of particularly volatile threats and insults; sweat-dropped, anime-fainted, developed an uncontrollable twitch and tic in her left eye, turned green, and fainted for real, in that order._

_"Wow, I haven't seen Sasuke that scared since I tricked Naruto into thinking that Sasuke was hiding a coupon for a life-time supply of miso ramen in his kunai pouch."_

Dib: That WOULD be pretty traumatizing... *shudders*

_"Wait that was you!" Sakura pointed an accusing finger at their ever-late sensei. "Sasuke had to go to therapy for months after that!"_

_"Actually, he's still going." Pointed out the masked scarecrow curving his visible eye upwards like he found it funny, which he probably did._

Gaz: I know **I** find it funny.

Dib: That's because you're a sadist.

Zim: *shudders*

_Sasuke, meanwhile, rolled himself into fetal position in a corner, complete with rocking back and forth, and alternately sucking his thumb and chanting 'The crazy can't get me, the crazy can't get me' etc._

_As this was happening, a blue haired Konoha kunoichi and everyone's favorite, seemingly androgenous, AWOL iwa-nin were watching (With heart-eyes, nose-bleeds, drool hanging from their mouths, and a pink background with sparkles a sakura petals.) Naruto. Who was now on the side chatting animatedly about various bloodline-limits of the leaf village with Zim and GIR, who was in tape-recorder mode._

Zim: I gained MUCH useful information that day... *evil laugh* WHO KNEW THE SHARINGAN'S WEAKNESS WAS _PEANUT BUTTER? _MWAHAHAHAAAA!

Dib: Uhhh. Somehow, I sincerely doubt the veracity of that.

Zim: *stares blankly at Dib* Bwuh?

Dib: He was probably just pulling your leg.

Zim: PREPOSTEROUS! NOBODY PULLS THE LEGS OF **ZIIIIIIM!**

_'Now let us check up on the membranes.' Gaz was once again playing her game-slave, Dib was doing as Sasuke, and was sitting in the corner, looking thoroughly traumatized, Thing1 and Thing2 were on the ground, in a mangled smoking heap, and Neji and Tenten were having a conversation. Or more accurately Tenten was energetically and enthusiastically, narrating and reenacting her most recent spar with Lee (during the process of which she accidentally spilt a glass of water, Grovel you perverts, grovel_

Gaz: *twitch*

_but she just ignored it , not even noticing Neji activate his byakugan half-way through.)_

_Speaking of Neji, he was standing there, with bits of toilet paper up his nose and much more than little drool running down his chin. He even asked Tenten to turn a bit.((3))_

Gaz: *twitches a little more*

Dib: *inches away from Gaz*

_After a bit more of this idiocy, professor Membrane walked through the door, and kicked them out of his house._

Dib: That sounds like dad, alright.

_EF9: Well, there's another chapter for ya._

_Nibi: Review…_

_Shukaku: Or…_

_DEF666: Else!_

"NEVER!" shouted Zim defiantly.

Gaz smacked him on the back of the head.

"OW! MY SQUEEDILY-SPOOTCH!"

_Fairy Kyuubi: For those who do review… COOKIES! And blackmail photos/ fan-girl collectibles of Sasuke from Ocarina of Konoha by LackOfName read to learn more, yeah!_

"I want cookies!" squealed Gir hyperactively.

Dib looked down the page.

"Oh, good. It's finally the last chapter of this mess," he said with a relieved sigh.

_EF9:Hello there! Faithful viewers! I am here with another installment of Invader Naruto! I've decided to try something new this chapter, dialogue will be in script format, while I will write normal for action scenes and descriptions!_

"...oh, right. This was the chapter that kicked off Fuzzy's brief obsession with **script format**." Dib sighed longsufferingly. "Well, at least it will soon be over."

_Kyuubi: And with the disclaimer we have Maito Gai!_

_Gai:(foaming at mouth) YOOUUUUTTTHHHHH!_

"And none too soon, from the looks of it," drawled Gaz.

_Kyuubi: Now on with_

"THE!" Gir shouted randomly.

_sorry excuse for a story!_

_EF9: Hey!_

_000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

_The next day in the hokage's office there were four figures, three of which were engaged in the traditional round of 'glare-at-the-others-until-I-prove-I'm-better-than-them'. They were Red (one of the tallest), Purple (the other Tallest),_

"Hey, didn't I destroy their battleship?" murmured Dib.

"YAHTZEE!" squealed Gir.

_Tsunade (please don't say you don't know who that is), and Shizune (the one with the pig)._

"PIGGEEHHH!"

Gaz focused on her Gameslave, stubbornly resisting the urge to scrap a certain obnoxious robot.

_Red: (Glare)_

_Purple: (Glare)_

_Tsunade: (Glare)_

_Shizune: (Whimper)_

_Tonton: (Squeal!)_

"Truly a battle of monumental wits," muttered Dib sarcastically.

Zim jumped on his rival's head.

"DO NOT INSULT THE **TALLEST!**" he shouted, tearing out clumps of Dib's hair.

"OW! OW! Owowow! Ouch! Stop that!" shouted Dib, running around and trying to dislodge Zim from his cranium.

Gaz punched him in the gut, making him topple down to the ground.

_Suddenly the door crumbled, and there stood two very short figures._

_Red: (Twitch)_

_Purple: No!_

_Tsunade: What the f-_

"Language," said Gaz dryly.

_Shizune: (clamping Tsunade's mouth shut) No! You have company!_

_Zim: I AM ZIM!_

"No! **I** AM ZIM!" shouted Zim.

The palm of Dib's hand became intimately acquainted with his face.

_Tonton: Squeal!_

_Tenten: MOM!_

"DADDY!" shouted Gir.

_Dib: What on earth!_

_GIR: PIGGY!_

_GIR then runs off with Tenten, chanting 'PIGGY' all the way._

"...okay, that was actually almost _close_ to being genuinely funny," said Dib. "**Almost**."

_Everyone (except Gaz because she's busy playing videogames): (Sweat-drop)_

_Tonton: Squeal. (translated: that girl scares me.)_

"As I should," muttered Gaz, not even glancing up from her Gameslave.

_Me (EF9): KAWAII! (Start playing with Tonton 'cause pigs are cool((1)))_

_After that Tsunade told everyone to get the hell out of her office. Once everyone was off to have a day filled with… well filler adventures, Tsunade, Shizune, Tonton, Red, Purple, and Shikamaru((2)) continued the meeting doing political leader-type things (consisting mostly of naps, sake-breaks, games of connect-four, and inappropriate comments from Jiraiya who kept popping in and out.)_

"The government in a nutjob, everybody," drawled Dib. He paused. "Nut**shell**. I meant nutSHELL."

"Suuuuure you did," said Gaz, rolling her eyes. Under her breath, she muttered, "_Nutjob._"

_As for the others: Teams 8, 13, and team Gai trained. Deidara and Hinata stalked Naruto, who they followed into an alley. Naruto ran from his creepy stalker and stumbled in on Sasuke and Sakura who were half-naked and in a compromising position (Sasuke: Hey, I have Hormones too!), Naruto later made several visits to the therapist. Kiba disappeared while helping his sister shop. And Shino visited a convenience store where he was seen purchasing several cans of raid._

_What will happen next? Review my story and tell me things you may like to see in a sequel. Yes Invader Naruto is finished… BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE DONE YET! Me and Kyuubi will make this a series and go as long as we can with this!_

"By which he of course means one other thing that doesn't even make it to five thousand words before sputtering out and dying," muttered Dib.

"That's still almost twice as long as this one, though," commented Zim. "At least WE don't have to do it!"

"Yeah," said Gaz, "I almost feel sorry for whoever will have to do _that_."

_Kyuubi: So R and R!_

_EF9: Tell me what you want and I'll try to deliver!_

_Kyuubi: GRAAGH! (Brandishes spork a random passerby) POSTMAN!_

_Postman: Shut up twinkle-toes._

_Kyuubi:__** OH! IT IS ON LITTLE MAN!**_

_TTFN! (Postman: Not the face!)_

"THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!" squealed Gir. "WAAAAAAAA-HOOO-HOOO-HEEEAAAA!"

* * *

><p>AN: Gir is actually a really annoying character to write. Also this is the third and last of the ones I had already finished prior to posting. The rest will likely be put up as they are finished.

**Updated: **1-27-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	4. Another Saturday

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the Fourth:**

Another Saturday

_Sequel to Another Day. NaruHina with hints of SasuSaku. Shino has vanished and now only the twelve disciples the rookie nine plus team Gai can find him! Chapter 7 is up. Complete._

_Naruto - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,841 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 8/28/2006 - Published: 7/2/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete_

Robin: All right, Titans. We're here to review this... fan-_fiction?_ Is that really a thing?

Cyborg: *laughs* Ahahaha! Oh, man, you have NO idea, do you...?

Beast Boy: Dude, they are going to eat you **alive**.

Robin: Umm...

Beast Boy: _**ALIVE**_, dude.

_EF9: The idea for this story came out of the blue,_

_I think it's good how about you?_

"I think it's drivel, actually," said Raven.

"But friend Raven, we have not even begun to read it, yet!" said Starfire.

"Yeah. Just trust me on this one," muttered Rae.

_DEF666: Every review goes to fund the Disclaimers For Morons Foundation "Supplying clever ways to disclaim possession to uncreative authors", so please review so that we may continue entertaining you with disclaimers. Speak of the devil._

_EF9: I am to possession of 'Naruto', as Jiraiya is to possession of a girlfriend, yeah._

"Or BB," said Cyborg wryly.

"Oh, shut up," muttered the changeling peevishly.

_Jiraiya: That hurts to be used in a parallel like that you know._

_Naruto: Hush, the story is starting!_

"Joy of joys," deadpanned Raven.

_Saturday night finds the members of team 10 at the training grounds, well two thirds of the team, any ways._

_"OI,SHINO!" shouted an irate Kiba._

Robin: Tsk, tsk. That's just sloppy. Didn't the author proofread his work?

Beast Boy: *laughs*

Cyborg: *laughs*

Raven: *snickers*

Starfire (concerned): Um, I am beginning to have the bad feelings about this, Robin...

Robin: ...yeah. So am I.

_"Arf!"_

_"Grrr, when I find Shino I'm gonna gentle-fist him to Timbuktu!"_

Cyborg: Whoa. That's one feisty little lady.

Beast Boy: Dude, what? Man, Hinata's supposed to be all moe!

Raven: *side-eyes BB*

Beast Boy: *blushes, scratches the back of his neck sheepishly* Well, you know...

_"…"_

_"whimper."_

_"Uuuh… gomen Kiba-san," Hinata said as she momentarily reverted to her nervous habit of twiddling her fingers (Go read my story 'Another Day' if your confused I made it so those events got rid of her nervous habits so that you know that, the way I'm writing her is not ooc, but rather the result of non-canon character development.)_

Starfire: I am confused. Why is she including the Japanese in her sentences?

Cyborg: I think they're called weaboos...

_Now you may find yourself wondering why they are at the training grounds on a Saturday night. Well it was in the memo, deal with it! Hinata had arrived first followed by Akamaru and Kiba four minutes later. Which was odd because Shino was always at the meeting grounds so early you'd swear he slept there._

_Let's leave them there for a bit. WHACK_

Raven: That certainly wasn't a jarring or poorly placed transition.

Robin: *furrows brow* This writing isn't even remotely professional.

Beast Boy: *laughs*

_"NARUTO! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT YOUR HOUSE!" Sakura fumed._

_"Since when are you the boss of me?" asked Naruto sticking out his tongue._

Raven: Since you were a complete ignoramus, whereas she was marginally less so?

Cyborg: That's cold, Rae. *chortles* I **love** it! Haha!

_Sakura, having composed herself, replied, "Sasuke-kun told me you would be at your house. Right Sasuke darling?"_

_"Hn." The classic Uchiha response once again making you wonder if he knows any words that aren't insults or 'I will kill my brother and revive my clan'._

Robin: I don't get it.

Starfire: Nor do I. Is this one of the _puns_?

Beast Boy: Yeah, you kinda have to know the source material with fanfiction.

Cyborg: It WAS actually a little funny...

Raven (dryly): That's just _your_ opinion.

_EF9: Well how's that for a first chapter? By the way, this is kind of a sequel to 'Another Day', I guess. Review! The more reviews I get the faster I'll update! Sooo… REVIEW! DEIDARA, NARUTO, HINATA, SHIKAMARU, AND ITACHI((1)) COMMAND YOU!_

_((1)): My five favorite characters!_

Beast Boy: That... is a really typical line up for that time frame.

Cyborg: Tell me about it.

_EF9: Okay the next chapter of Another Saturday!_

_Kyuubi: Your finally updating this?_

"_You're_," muttered Raven.

_EF9: Hai. I now know that people like it. So, you fans of this story, thank Atari Atagshi-chan, who convinced me to continue, by reading The D Files. After you read and review this of course._

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_Now with Shino. He woke up in a dark musty smelling place. Suddenly, his attention was drawn to slight noise. So he turned to face his apparent captor._

_Shino: What do you want with me?_

"Oh. Great," sighed Cyborg. "It's all script format from here on out."

Raven twitched.

_The mysterious figure steps out from shadows revealing itself to be… Itachi Uchiha._

_Itachi: Ha! Are you so ignorant! Don't you realize that the reason you have been shunned your entire life, why they fear you?((1))_

"Because of his BO?" guessed Beast Boy.

_Shino: Because of my pact with the destruction bugs, I mean not many people can relax around you when you host a small army of beetles._

"That... actually sounds kind of logical," said Robin.

"Just wait," sighed Raven.

_Itachi: No, foolish not-brother, it is because you house the No-Tailed Beetle!_

_Shino:…Are you sick in the head?_

"A valid question," said Cyborg.

_Itachi: That is beside the point, you are here so that may extract your demon for reasons not yet revealed!_

_As Itachi laughed maniacally, Deidara walked in with a priceless expression on her face._

Beast Boy blinked. "Wait. Her?"

"Aw, man," said Cyborg. "I think this is back when the author still insisted that Deidara was a female..."

_Deidara: Itachi… what the hell are you doing? Did you abduct another random person?_

_Itachi (Looking shifty-eyed):… Uh… maaayyybe._

"_I certainly didn't kidnap a prostitute to have my way with her,_" muttered Robin under his breath.

Starfire giggled.

_Deidara (With a twitchy eye): Gah! YOU ARE SUCH A MORON! AL-SAMA IS GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN HE FINDS OUT!_

_Itachi: What's with you?_

_Deidara: I just saw your partner. He. Was. Wearing. A. Frilly. Pink. Dress._

"Wait, isn't his partner the big blue shark dude?" said Cy.

"Yep," said Beast Boy, looking a little greener than usual.

Star grimaced. "I do not like the dresses with the frills and the pink..." she muttered, eyes glowing.

"Ugh, tell me about it," muttered Raven.

_Itachi: So?_

_Deidara: Are you kidding? I'm more traumatized than when I met Sasori!_

_FLASHBACK (Groovy!)_

"What is this, the seventies?" said Beast Boy.

_A young Deidara in a green skirt camo-patterned tank-top and brown combat boots, was being escorted through a brightly lit cavern by Orochimaru in a leisure suit (complete with white pants and a rhinestone vest) when they stopped in front of a door._

_Orochimaru: Now, your new partner should be through the door. I must protect my title as the lord of the dance._

_Orochimaru then walked over to a dance floor, complete with a disco ball up above, and 'YMCA' blasting from the speakerphones. Twas psychedelic man. _

"OH GOD I WAS JUST JOKING!" BB wailed, turning into a monkey and clapping his hands to his face.

"What is he, one of the village people?" drawled Cyborg.

Starfire clapped her hands together.

"This music is delightful!" she cheered.

_Orochimaru: So, you are the peon who dares challenge me? I am the Lord of the dance, King of the ring, The Groove-Jam MASTER!_

"...what?" said Robin.

"I dunno, I thought it was funny," said Raven.

The others eyed her disbelievingly.

_The person he is talking to turns around revealing himself to be Itachi Uchiha! In an ensemble consisting of black bellbottom pants with red clouds, blue platform shoes embroidered with the Uchiha emblem, an open leather vest draped over his shoulders, and his hair in a mullet. ( Fan girls: Drool.)_

"I know the pain," sighed Robin, shivering a little. "_Fangirls_. Ugh."

_Itachi (Glaring at him with the trademark Itachi I'm-obviously-sexier-stonger-and-smarter-than-you-and-I-don't-care-what-you-do-you'll-never-be-better-than-me smirk): Hn._

"That seems like a very specific expression," commented Starfire.

"Goes with his _I'm-gonna-do-what-I-want-because-I'm-a-super-genius-and-obviously-know-better-than-everyone-else-so-I-don't-need-help-from-YOU_ look," Cy drawled.

_Orochimaru: Ah I see you are well versed in the ways of the cool. But no matter, the only person to ever out-boogie me was the Fourth Hokage, and you couldn't hold a candle to him._

_Itachi: Hn._

"Dude, can't these Uchiha do anything more than grunt disinterestedly?" said Beast Boy.

_Orochimaru: I accept your challenge! DJ! Put in my special mix!_

_As the record scratched for a few seconds before a new beat started pumping through the amplifier, it was a special album designed Orochimaru to play disco music with a beat that best complimented his abilities._

_As Orochimaru started to sway and pulsate with the very essence of disco pouring forth with every move he executed, Itachi activated his sharingan, and began to mirror every move Orochimaru executed. Also thanks to his dark grace and aura of cool indifference, which did nothing to betray the raging madness lurking just beneath the surface (which is beside the point), Itachi started to do even better than Orochimaru._

_Orochimaru: No, it can't be! The most advanced form of the Uchiha power! The Mangekyo Sharingan (Kaleidoscope Copy Wheel Eye),_

"And complete unnecessary translation," interjected Raven dryly.

_ it is impossible! I cannot lose!_

_Itachi: Hn. Looks like you just did from where I'm standing._

_Orochimaru (Falling to his knees in a complete rip-off of Darth Vader from Star Wars): NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!_

"Wow," said Robin. "That was a long no."

"Most likely he is doing the compensating for something, yes?" said Starfire pleasantly, smiling.

Robin blanched. BB and Cy sniggered.

_END FLASHBA- (Deidara: Hey, I'm not done yet, yeah!) (Gomen.)_

"More needless Japanese," muttered Raven.

"Dude. Are you gonna bring that up _every_ time it happens?" Beast Boy.

Raven did not respond.

_Anyway, after Orochimaru cried something about the weasel being too powerful for him to operate properly, Deidara shrugged uncaringly, and opened the door. What she saw scarred her for life._

_Sasori (Looking up from apparently molesting one of his specialty puppets((2))): Yo… hey your cute. Want to have some fun?_

_Deidara: Hommina…da…fe…hoo…**PERVERT!**((3))_

_Deidara then walked out the door, clearly dazed, mumbling something about Sasori's heart and brain not being the only human parts he had left._

Robin's face went green.

"Um, wow," he said. "Okay. That is... a lot more than I needed to know."

_END FLASHBACK_

_Itachi: Oh. I remember now. I totally kicked that guy's ass._

_Deidara: That is beside the point. Go beat some sense into that whale of moron will you._

_Itachi: Why should I?_

_Deidara: If you do I'll (whispers into Itachi's ear.)_

_Itachi (Now flushed with tiny trickle of blood, originating from his nose, crawling down his chin.): YOSH! I SHALL COMPLETE THIS TASK SO I MAY BE PAID!_

"Classy," muttered Raven.

Starfire looked perplexed, though. Then Robin leaned over and whispered something her ear.

"_Oh!_" she squeaked, blushing brightly.

Beast Boy and Cyborg sniggered.

_After Itachi rushes off with his eyes blazing (with the fiery passion of_ YOUTH!),

"Sei-**SHUN! FULL POWER!**" exclaimed Beast Boy facetiously, consciously mimicking Lee/Guy._**  
><strong>_

Raven rolled her eyes. "_Charming_," she muttered dryly.

_ Zetsu suddenly appeared holding, what appeared to be Tobi wearing naught but a pair of briefs and his spinny mask, by the scruff of his neck._

"Hi, Obito," said Cyborg blandly with a wave of a metallic hand.

"Dude," said Beast Boy. "Spoilers!"

"Aw, c'mon," Cy scoffed, rolling his one human eye. "BB, _everyone_ knows that by now."

_Deidara (Laughing nervously because Zetsu is pretty darn scary): Heh, hey Zetsu-sama, heh, what are you doing? Yeah._

_Zetsu (Clearly fuming): I came here to ask how and why you defiled my subordinate!_

_Tobi (Giggling and seeming quite pleased with himself): Hehe, Tobi is a very naughty boy now!_

"Again," drawled Raven. "_Classy._"

Robin coughed nervously, cheeks a little pink.

_Zetsu (Pointing at Tobi in a manner not unlike a lawer points at evidence that incriminates the one they intend to have prosecuted): See? You are the only one Tobi would ever go near!_

_Deidara: Oh that? It was just a clay clone, yeah._

"Ewww," said Beast Boy, making a weird face. "_Nasty_."

"Yeah. And, also, doesn't Deidara's clay, um, **explode?**" added Cyborg.

"That would be a very messy climax, would it not?" said Starfire.

The others looked at Star with mildly shocked, and disturbed, expressions.

_Tobi, upon hearing this, did something you wouldn't expect. He threw himself at Deidara and hugged her middle proclaiming how kind and brilliant she was to send a clone to take care of paying her debts,_

"...what kind of debts would require _that_ kind of payment?" wondered Robin, a little disquieted by the raunchy subject matter.

"It's actually more interesting if you imagine Deidara is just cross-dressing..." added Raven, a faintly mischievous gleam in her eyes.

Cyborg and Beast Boy gagged.

"DUUDE!"

"AW MAN! Now look what you did, Rae!" complained Cyborg, looking a little pale in the face. "Now you've gone and ruined my appetite."

_ and that he is honored to know someone so awe inspiring._

_Deidara: Yeah, yeah. Can you let go of me now? Yeah. I need to take care of any associates or people who would notice the prisoner's disappearance, yeah. We cannot afford any loose ends._

_(Now let us see how the others are faring.)_

_Gai: OH LEE!_

"Oh, come. ON!" groaned Beast Boy. "He is SO overusing this joke. It's not even funny anymore!"

"Was it ever to be begin with?" retorted Raven wryly.

"Maybe," said Beast Boy, shrugging. "I got a bit of a laugh when it first appeared in the anime..."

"I say that was the last good arc in the show," interjected Cyborg.

"Why do you watch it, then?" rejoined Beast Boy.

"Morbid curiosity, mainly," was Cyborg's response.

_Lee: GAI-SENSEI!_

_(Awkward. Let us try with team 7.)_

_Sasuke: Oh, Sakura I love you. But I cannot take the risk of my brother killing you!_

_Sakura (Crying her eyes out.): Oh, Sasuke-kun._

"Oooh! I love the romantic confessions!" squealed Starfire. "Do you not also enjoy such stories, friend Raven?"

"**No.**"

"Awww..."

_(Hey! Where is Naruto…hmm… AH! I know! At his house)_

_'Camera' shows the outside of Naruto's house. All of a sudden there is a crashing noise._

_Naruto's Voice (You don't see him, you just hear his voice.): ACK! Gomen Hinata-chan! Did I hurt you?_

_Hinata's Voice: No, Naruto-kun I'm okay. But… I… TAKE ME NOW!_

"How many sex jokes was that in this one chapter?" wondered Beast Boy.

"Far too many," said Robin, looking distinctly perturbed.

_(Okay. Mental images. I'll just leave it here.)_

"Yes," said Raven. "Please. Just end it now."

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_EF9: Wow… that was long._

_Kyuubi: Yeah. Almost four pages on Microsoft Word._

"That's **long?**" said Cyborg disbelievingly.

"Talk about underachievers," remarked Beast Boy.

_EF9: Well… review and I will send you a nice, encouraging message!_

_Kyuubi: I just have one question, what were you on while you wrote this?_

_EF9:Many things._

_TTFN_

"Ta-ta for now," said Raven dryly. "Was that his first use of it?"

"Maybe?" said Beast Boy. "Darned if I know."

_EF9: Well, here is the second chapter of Another Saturday._

_Kyuubi: Yes, here is the second chapter of Another Saturday._

"Wait, second?" said Robin. "Then what was that thing before? Some kind of four-page interstitial?"

"So not only can he not write," remarked Raven, "but he can't _count_ either."

_Kyuubi: Yes, yes, we know what you're thinking, 'What about Naruto: Champion Tournament?'_

"What's that?" said Starfire.

"A fic that'll be getting a 'guest-star' reviewer, from what I hear," Cyborg said.

_EF9: I didn't get enough votes so I cannot continue it yet. Plus I've this idea for a couple of days now._

_Kyuubi: Now before we start, remember._

_EF9: I own nothing._

"'_Not even the jokes_,'" snarked Raven.

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_The Akastuki were frustrated. First, Itachi kidnaps a random leaf-nin, now AL-sama says that they must avoid suspicion at all costs, even if it means acting like humanitarians._

_Kisame: I can't believe that we have to work at the soup kitchen._

"Hey, that actually sounds like an interesting, original idea," said Beast Boy. "The Akatsuki working in a soup kitchen. That seems like it's something you could use for lots of great jokes."

"So of course it only appears in this chapter, and only touches on the driest and weakest sources of humor to be found from the setting," remarked Cyborg.

"What a waste," said Raven sarcastically.

_Sasori: Well, if we wish to capture the remaining demons, we kind of need to stay alive._

_Deidara: Besides we can always recruit some hobos, yeah._

_Kisame: Why hobos?_

"Because apparently the author thinks that adding hobos to something will automatically make it funny?" ventured Robin a touch bitterly.

_Deidara: Because, hobos are cunning people who manage to cripple civilization just by being lazy, yeah._

_Sasori: Plus, they will do just about anything for a square meal._

"Or that," said Cyborg.

_As they were talking, Zetsu came back out, and told everyone that their tasks would be listed on the duty roster. So they went in and checked the piece of paper that would decide their fate._

_Itachi (Facing the wrong way): What am I signed up for._

"A blindness joke," drawled Raven. "That's some of the author's best material."

"And he forgot the mark of questioning," added Starfire. "Did he not?"

_Kisame (Sighing about having to read for Itachi): You are cooking the soup. (To Zetsu) Are you sure that's a good idea?_

_Zetsu: Don't worry Tobi will be helping._

_Tobi: Tobi's a good boy!_

"'_Beam me up Scotty,_'" said Beast Boy doing a William Shatner impression.

"Man, you are going to _die_ a geek," said Cyborg. "You know that, right?"

_Deidara (Frowning): Hey, master, yeah._

_Sasori: Yes?_

_Deidara: What is 'KP'? Yeah._

"Might it stand for the initial letters in _Kim Possible__?_" suggested Starfire.

Beast Boy drooled a little, a dreamy expression on his face. Raven and Cyborg smacked him on the back of the head.

"She's Disney property, BB," said Cy. "You couldn't touch her with a ten foot pole."

"Yeah?" said the changeling. "Well, I'd be happy to test that theory of yours, dude... OW!"

Raven smacked on the back of the head, again.

_Sasori: Sigh. 'KP' stands for Kitchen Patrol. You will be washing dishes._

_Deidara: Oh, so does 'SOB' stand for sweeping out bathrooms?_

_Sasori: What? Let me see. (Scans list to see that 'SOB' is written after his name.) It better. (Stalks off to give the director a piece of his mind.)_

Beast Boy laughed.

Cy side-eyed him. "That might've been funny, with a little better execution."

"You'd need a lot more than just a little," said Robin.

_Kisame comes storming out of the kitchen, brandishing Samehada like there is no tomorrow._

_Kisame: Shark. Fin. Soup. SHARK FIN SOOOOUUUUUUUUP!_

"Ahh, that is a delicacy on your planet, is it not?" said Starfire, clapping her hands together.

"In the East, at least," said Robin.

_Tenten: What's his problem?_

_Itachi (Talking to a wall behind him): Kisame considers it a cardinal sin to eat anything made from sharks._

_Neji: … Freak._

"That's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, innit?" drawled Cyborg.

_Kisame (Turns around to see team Gai in frilly green aprons reading 'Kiss Me For I Am The Youthful Cook Of This Youthful meal… YOUTH!):_

"Wow," said Beast Boy. "That's a lot of Youth."

_(pointing a finger at Gai) You!_

_Gai (Rubbing his chin as if in thought): Hmm… do I know you?_

"Oh, look!" said Cyborg. "An actually kind of funny joke from the original series! How do you wanna bet the author screws it up?"

_Kisame (Going all twitchy with a blue anime background): You… don't (sniff) remember me?_

_Gai: No I don't. Why? Should I know you?_

_Kisame (Crying waterfall tears): WAAH! Nobody remembers me! (Sniff)_

"Heh, that's actually kind of funny!" said Beast Boy.

Raven rolled her eyes.

_Itachi: Please forgive him. He is insane._

_Neji: I understand. Gai-sensei is insane also. (Gai runs past foaming at the mouth.) So is Rock Lee (Lee runs past also foaming at the mouth and shouting 'YOUTH!'), and Tenten (Tenten runs past wielding a big-ass shuriken shouting 'STAND STILL SO I CAN KILL YOU!')_

"I would do the same thing in her situation," said Robin.

The others looked at their leader nervously.

"...what?"

_Hinata suddenly appears with Naruto, both of them dressed up (which means Hinata had a skirt on and no jacket, and Naruto was wearing his black tank top with a belt fastening his jumpsuit-pants.)_

"...THAT is what the author calls 'dressed up'?" said Raven.

"He must not have a very good sense of the fashion," added Starfire.

_Neji (Stares at Hinata for a full minute, then emits a war cry): DIE YOU BITCH! YOU KILLED MY FA-_

_Neji then collapsed showing three colorful darts sticking out of his but. Gai, Lee, and Tenten step over his twitching body, all three of them decked out in khaki hunter outfits._

"Hey, look," said Cyborg. "Another joke that's actually almost funny."

"It seems like there are more of those as time passes," mused Robin.

_Gai (Hefting Neji over his shoulder): You'll have to pardon him, he's insane._

Raven snickered.

The others stared at her.

"...what?" she said. "That is actually a cleverly ironic line which directly contrasts with the initial set up and thus also the expectations of the audience. It's the textbook definition of humor."

"Dude, I think you might be giving the author a little too much credit there," said Beast Boy, eyeing Raven a little suspiciously.

_Itachi: Don't they have therapists for that?_

_Gai: Well…_

_FLASHBACK_

_Neji: Diiieeee!_

_Random Therapist: AAAAHHHHHH!_

_END FLASHBACK_

_Gai: It didn't work out for him._

"Look, he did a Family Guy," remarked Cyborg.

"Another almost funny joke," added Robin. "Now if only it were written in something other than script format..."

_Itachi: I see._

"Said the blind man to the deaf one," giggled Starfire.

_Rock Lee (To Naruto): Hey, Naruto-kun, what are you and Hinata-san doing here?_

"I don't think you really need the _(To Naruto)_ there..." remarked Raven.

"Nah, I think it's TOTALLY essential to the plot," said Beast Boy with a sarcastic grin.

_Hinata: Well, Lee-san, we are on a date, and this is the only place besides Ichiraku Ramen Bar that will serve Naruto-kun. **Inner Hinata: Yeah! They will all die for what they did to MY Naruto-kun! HELL YEAH!**_

"..." said Robin.

"..." said Starfire. "I do not understand..."

"That's normal," said Cyborg. "Means you're still sane."

"Oh."

_Naruto: Yeah, and Gama-chan is empty so we had to come here._

_Hinata: Yes, and we have to wait for any news on the whereabouts of Shino._

_Team Gai: SHINO'S MISSING!_

Raven quirked a single eyebrow. "Was that supposed to be a confirmation of what Hinata said, or just an exclamation of disbelief?"

"I don't think the author'd figured out that 'hyphen between question and exclamation marks' trick yet," said Cyborg.

"You mean like **THIS?-!** Or maybe **THIS!-?**" said Beast Boy.

"Yeah," said Cyborg. "Though now the site does actually support just the exclamation and question marks together. Like **THIS!?** Or **THIS?!** Still can't double up on the same ones, though."

"_The times, they be a-changin'_," drawled Beast Boy in a cowboy accent.

_Itachi: Uh, hey. This Shino guy, would he be a bug using leaf-nin, about so high, sunglasses, high collar, and a freaky 'fro?_

_Naruto: Yeah. Do you know where he is?_

_Itachi (Looking shifty-eyed): Uh… nope. Never heard of him._

"_'Which is exactly why I was able to describe him so precisely,'_" said Robin dryly.

_Naruto (Looking downcast): Oh, well that sucks, dattebayo._

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_EF9: There you go please review._

_Kyuubi: Reviewers will be thanked in the next chapter!_

_TTFN!_

"There goes the third chapter," muttered Cyborg.

"Don't you mean the _second_ one?" said Starfire.

Cyborg grumbled irritably.

_EF9: Well, here is chappie four of Another Saturday!_

_Kyuubi: Yes, although we didn't get any reviews for chapter three, we are still going to update in the hopes that people will review._

"Talk about begging for reviews," said Beast Boy.

_DEF666: You are pathetic._

"I agree wholeheartedly," Raven said.

_EF9: That may be so, but I don't own Naruto. (Cool, a rhyme!)_

_'Yo': thinking_

"Wow, a _'thinking-versus-dialogue'_ legend?" said Cyborg. "Now **there** is something you almost NEVER see in good fanfiction."

"Like disclaimers?" suggested Beast Boy.

"Ehhh, that was more like something that was really big for a while, then kinda just died out among most writers. Like pet rocks."

"Not like your average fanfiction disclaimer would hold up in any real court, anyways," added Robin.

_(((-)))_

_Itachi carefully snuck away from the disappointed fox-boy. He then quickly went over to the leader._

_Itachi (Looking nervous): AL-sama, the kyuubi-gaki (nine-tail brat)_

"More needless translations," muttered Raven.

_ is friends with the container of the no-tailed beetle!_

_AL: Well._

_Itachi (Having recovered his stoic front): Well, what?_

_AL: Well, are you going to capture him or not?_

"That IS a good question," said Cyborg. "Ain't you gonna do your job, man?"

_Having overheard the conversation, Kisame decides to put his monopoly-cent into the discussion._

_Kisame: But what about the others? They appear to be friends with the boy._

_AL: Abduct them as well._

"_'It is not like this can POSSIBLY backfire on us, oh no!'_" said Starfire. "_'Not after we had made so much fussing over the keeping of low profiles._'"

Then she giggled.

"Hee hee~❤ That _i__s_ fun!" she chirped.

The others sweatdropped.

_Deidara: I can get the hoboes to hold them down._

_AL: Good, that will make our job that much easier._

"So the highly trained, elite criminal ninjas need malnourished civilian homeless to hold down their targets for them?" said Raven dryly.

"Seems legit," concluded Beast Boy facetiously.

_The other Akatsuki members: Okay._

_It happened in a couple seconds. Naruto, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten, and Gai, didn't stand a chance against the crazed homeless people. (No offense to homeless people, there is just something about hoboes that makes them scary.)_

"He can't even spell the plural of hobos right, and he thinks that using them will make this funny?" muttered Robin.

"This stuff is hit-and-miss at best," remarked Cyborg.

_(A couple hours later in the Akatsuki head quarters)_

_Tenten woke up first, she noticed that they, meaning Naruto, Neji, Hinata, Gai, Lee, and herself, were unarmed. She observed the room they were in, it made Naruto's place seem like a palace._

"That's nothing," drawled Raven. "You should see Beast Boy's room."

The changeling stuck his tongue out at her.

_Peering through the darkness, she spotted a light switch._

_Tenten: 'I better turn on the light. Then I'll be able to get a better idea of what this place looks like.'_

_So Tenten turned on the light. The sudden flash of illumination caused the others to wake up._

"There's a light switch in their prison?" said Robin. "That DOES seem pretty extravagant."

_Hinata: Meep!_

_Naruto: Sniffle growl groan._

_Neji: Hn._

"Oh, no!" exclaimed Cyborg facetiously. "The disinterested-grunt-itis is _spreading!_"

"It's already too late for Neji," said Beast Boy, donning surgical gloves. "Our only hope is to amputate before it can spread any further." He pulled out a medieval battleaxe from somewhere; there were ominous dark reddish-brown stains on the still-quite-sharp edge.

_Lee: Yawn! That was an excellent nap! I am feeling absolutely rejuvenated! In fact, I am going to start training with Gai-sensei right awa-AUGHHH! Gai-sensei! What happened to your youthful face?-!_

_Gai (Trying to hide his five of the clock shadow slightly wrinkled face): LEE! I am so sorry you have to see me like this. But… it is time I tell you… Lee… I… Gai Maito… am…am… I AM OOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDD!_

"If you can call be in your mid-to-late twenties **old**," said Robin.

_Lee (looking like it's the end of the world): No…it… it cannot be… (Suddenly with a new determination on his face) Do not worry, Gai-sensei, I will help you restore your youthful looks!_

_Gai: OH LEE!_

"Oh, not _again_," groaned Raven irritably. "How many times is he going to use this same tired joke?"

_Lee: GAI-SENSEI!_

_Gai: LE-OW!_

_Standing over Gai's once agein unconscious form was a fuming Tenten armed with a pink rubber hammer._

"**Thank you**," said Raven, looking sincerely grateful.

_Tenten: Shut up! We need to focus so we can find out where we are!_

_: I can tell you where you are…_

"_'I am so mysterious I don't even have a name in the stage directions,'_" drawled Cyborg. "_'Just a blank space with nothing.'_"

"Much like the contents of the writer's skull," remarked Raven.

Beast Boy sniggered. Starfire giggled.

_(((-)))_

_EF9: Oooh! Who is the mystery voice? Find out next time._

_Kyuubi: And remember. The more reviews, the faster he updates._

"Will he stop updating if he gets NO reviews?" wondered Starfire, sounding genuinely curious.

"No," replied Robin. "He'll just update again to beg some more."

Cyborg snorted.

_TTFN!_

_EF9: I interrupt the story you are reading for an important message. Kyuubi._

"Is it that you're discontinuing it?" inquired Beast Boy. "'Cause that would be _great_."

_Kyuubi: Yes it has come to our attention that yaoi, shonen-ai, slash, or whatever you call serious gay pairings, in fanfiction, have increased in popularity at an alarming rate._

"...oh, cripes. I know what this is," said Cyborg, sighing in exasperation.

"The author whining about pairings he doesn't like?" guessed Raven.

"More or less," said Beast Boy, looking he wanted to just skip right over this part.

_DEF666: Yes, nothing personal against any rabid yaoi obsessed fan girls, but we straight, semi-decent_

"That's a laugh," Robin deadpanned.

_ frequentors of fan fiction dot net, have found it increasingly frustrating how much yaoi there is._

"Maybe for _you_," said Raven testily.

"Well, he did actually write some BL, eventually..." said Beast Boy.

"Yeah, after like seven years on the site," added Cyborg.

_EF9: So we, meaning myself and my muses, have decided that those of us who find boy boy, and the almost nonexistent girl girl, stories distasteful, should stay together, and form a banner under which we can march against yaoi, yuri, and mary-sues._

"What is a _mary-sue?_" Starfire wondered.

Robin made a face. "Consider yourself lucky not to know."

"Kinda hypocritical of him decrying yuri, though, all things considered..." mused Cyborg.

"Yes, like hypocrisy is anything new to your average straight, white male," drawled Raven, rolling her eyes.

_Kyuubi: We call it the Anti-Yaoi Yuri and Mary-Sue Corps (meaning we oppose yaoi yuri and mary-sues)_

_DEF666: Although the main subject of this message is Yaoi, the AYYMSC, oppose the three banes of fan fiction._

_EF9: So to join my organization, you must pm me and tell me which you wish to oppose: yaoi yuri or mary-sues, you don't have to choose just one, and I will write down your name under membership on my profile._

"Man, how long did that organization thing last?" Beast Boy wondered.

"Well, he didn't _officially_ bury it until just this year," remarked Cyborg. "But it was basically comatose even for years before that."

_Kyuubi: And if you may, members of the organization, could you spread the word about the revolution, and suggest joining._

_DEF666: And don't forget to bash what you submit yourself as opposing._

_All: That is all._

_Note: I am serious about this, check my profile if your not sure, although it only mentions yaoi._

"Noting also that his profile now contains none of this," added Starfire, as cheerfully as ever.

_EF9: Here is the next chapter of Another Saturday!_

_Kyuubi: Yeah, and after this chapter it's going to be one or two more chapters until the story is over._

"Wow. It seems like it just _flew _by," said Raven sarcastically.

"That's only because commenting drags it out, though," said Robin.

_DEF666: So now here is the continuation of the story from chapter four._

* * *

><p><em>: You are in the Akatsuki hide out… they have kidnapped us.<em>

"When in the timeline is this even supposed to take place?" wondered Beast Boy. "Pre-time skip none of them would even know what the Akatsuki was, and post time skip... well, let's just say that Sasuke STILL hasn't set foot in the Leaf since leaving with the Sound Four."

"Wow. That is a LONG time," said Cyborg.

"Yeah. That's, like, most of the series, by now."

_Naruto (Looking curious): Wait! Who are you? You sound familiar…_

_: I should think so… for I am…Shino._

"...am I the only one who finds that to be a slightly underwhelming reveal?" wondered Robin aloud.

The others shook their heads.

_Neji: Shino!-? What the hell are you doing in the Akatsuki hide out._

_Shino: … They kidnapped me._

"_'You guys didn't do a very good job of that "search and rescue" stuff, did you?'_" said Cyborg, imitating Shino.

_Hinata: But… Shino, why would they do a thing like that?_

"Because they are idiots," was the general sentiment voiced by the Teen Titans.

_Shino: One of their members believes I house a 'no-tailed beetle demon'._

_Neji: …_

_Gai: WHY WOULD THEY THINK A THING LIKE THAT?-!_

_Shino: … Because they are morons._

"The plot of this story in a nutshell," muttered Raven.

_Tenten: Sooo… how do we escape?_

"Well, gee," said Cyborg sarcastically. "It's not like half of you have attacks that can easily bend metal or break through solid rock or anything!"

_As if in answer to Tenten's question, a chunk of the ceiling fell down, followed by a man with long dark hair, black jacket, and sunglasses, leaping to the ground._

_(Feel free to listen to or hum the song 'Secret Agent Man' during this part)_

"_Secret Ageeent Maaan~_" began Beast Boy, only for Raven to telekinetically smack him on the back of the head.

"**Don't**."

_Neji: No way…_

_Hinata: We are saved!_

_Lee (feeling left out): Who is that?_

_Everyone in the room except Lee and Shino (Because Shino is too cool to talk when someone else can do it for him, why else do you think Kiba would be his best friend.): He is the Hyuuga secret service._

"Wait. How would someone like Naruto know that?" wondered Starfire. "Is he not the _idiot_, as they say on earth?"

"Random inexplicable plot knowledge," said Cyborg blandly.

_Yes the Hyuuga secret service. A division of the branch house devoted to defending the Hyuuga heir or heiress. We shall call him… Bob._

_Bob: You better hurry, Hiashi has been called here, and he has bought with him every able-bodied Hyuuga to aid your escape._

_A loud explosion is heard in the background, followed by the clamor of combat._

_Bob: Quickly, come with me if you want to live!_

"GET TO DAH CHOPPA!" shouted Beast Boy.

Cyborg snickered, and Robin sighed. Star giggled, and Rae simply shook her head in exasperation.

_Gai: I shall stay behind and aid the fighting forces!_

_Lee: I cannot abandon Gai-sensei here, so I too shall fight!_

_Neji: Okay see you! (Tries to run off but is stopped by Tenten grabbing his ear.)_

_Tenten: Oh no you don't! You are staying right here, and you are going to help, mister!_

"That's another line that would _almost_ be funny," commented Robin.

"It has been a while since we have seen one of those, has it not?" remarked Starfire.

_Neji (Rolling his eyes): Yes Mom._

_Tenten (Smacking Neji): Don't you get snippy with me!_

_Naruto: Well I'm going to stay and fight! Nobody touches my Hinata-chan and gets away with it. (Eyes become red and slitted, and his voices deepens dramatically) **Let's go.**_

"And is that supposed to be dramatic?" said Raven dryly. "_Wow._"

_Hinata: Naruto-kun… (She gets a determined look on her face) No I am going to stay and help you… I promised myself I would never run away again… and I won't!_

_Naruto (Getting one of his confident smiles): **Okay** **if you think you can handle it.**_

_Hinata: Don't worry Naruto-kun I can handle it. (Smiles evilly)_

"Again with the weirdly out of character behavior from Hinata," commented Beast Boy.

"I can't wait for this script phase to be over with so WE can use script format for our comments..." said Cyborg.

"We won't get to," said Robin, glancing at the script. "Or will the next few groups after us."

"Heh, I almost pity them..." mused Raven.

"Why?" said Starfire. "Has this not been an enjoyable experience of the bonding?"

Nobody answered her.

_Bob (Sweat drops): Okay… I guess I'm not needed here… (In an offhanded manner) Huh… I wonder if Hiashi-sama needs any help… (Stops himself) What the hell am I saying? He's Hiashi! … Meh… I wonder if they still show 'I Love Lucy'?_

"What a... reference," said Beast Boy.

* * *

><p><em>EF9: Well, there's this chapter of 'Another Saturday'.<em>

_Kyuubi: Next chapter is the exciting conclusion!_

"I highly doubt that," said Cyborg.

"What, the exciting part, or the conclusion part?" inquired Robin.

"Either or," was Cy's only response.

_ Drama, romance, action, comedy at the most inappropriate of times!_

"The only accurate one," drawled Raven.

_ And poorly written fight scenes! The last one is sure to be there!_

"...well, _almost_ the only one," corrected Beast Boy.

_DEF666: Sigh… Remember to review._

_TTFN!_

_EF9: Here is the final chapter of Another Saturday! I am sorry, but since I am on vacation, I will not be able to review or update much, however I have decided to take this time to wrap this story up._

"Oh, I remember this!" said Beast Boy. "The author typed this chapter up on the road in his dad's semi truck."

"Really?" said Starfire. "How do you know this?"

"Seriously dude?" said Beast Boy. "He IS the one writing all of this. Of course I'd remember that."

"This is getting a little meta for my tastes," remarked Raven.

_Kyuubi: He is mainly doing this so he can focus on Naruto: Champion Tournament._

_DEF666: I'll be doing the disclaimer for this chapter. If EF9 owned Naruto, Naruto would not be so slow. Physically, not mentally._

"Huh. That... would be a rather odd thing to change, actually," said Robin.

_The cave door busted down, revealing a squad of Hyuugas._

_AL: Huh? Oh great, look who is here to save the prisoners._

"_'Mild surprise. Oh no. Whatever will we do?'_" said Cyborg.

_Hiashi: I will not stand for ruffians like you kidnapping my daughter, and heiress of the Hyuuga clan. Now, prepare to defend yourselves!_

_Itachi: You know too much. We cannot allow you to leave._

"Two plus two equals FOUR?" said Beast Boy. "HERESY!"

_At that, the Akatsuki, attacked. The Hyuugas fought valiantly, and managed to bring down Kisame, Tobi, Kakuzu, and Hidan._

"Really?" said Starfire. "How?"

"That is a very good question," said Raven a little wryly.

"No doubt they gave 'em the stink-eye until they folded," said Cyborg, snickering.

_ However the remaining Akatsuki were too much for the already weakened Hyuuga forces. Soon, only Itachi, Deidara, and Hiashi, were left fighting._

"That is a preposterously unbalanced match up," observed Robin.

_Hiashi: Prepare to defend yourselves!_

"_'I am repeating myself!'_" Beast Boy mocked.

_Deidara: NEVAH! ... yeah._

_Itachi: Hn._

"I think I've met _mimes_ who talk more than this guy," remarked Cyborg.

_Itachi formed the proper handseals and blasted Hiashi with a fireball the size of an suv. Then Deidara walked up to Hiashi and whacked him with a purse._

"...what an _impressive_ finishing move," said Raven sarcastically.

_Itachi (Raising an eyebrow at Deidara.): What was that?_

_Deidara: My secret weapon! (Opens purse to reveal bricks.)_

_Itachi (Looking at the bricks.): Do they explode?_

_Deidara: Maaayyybeee... yeah._

"And yet you swing them around at arm's length?" said Starfire confusedly.

"Looks like we ourselves have a future Darwin Award winner," muttered Robin dryly.

_Itachi: Twitch twitchy twitchitty twitch. (A/N: Sorry.)_

"You should be," said Raven.

_ Why do you always say 'yeah'?_

_Deidara: 'Cause I do! Yeah._

_Itachi (Foaming at the mouth.): STOP SAYING 'YEAH'!_

_Deidara: No, yeah._

_Itachi: GAH! I KILL YOU! (Proceeds to chase Deidara around attempting to strangle her.)_

"Dude," said Beast Boy. "Take a chill pill."

"And if you don't have that, try a chill lozenge," suggested Cyborg.

_Now apparently, Kisame chose that time to regain conciousness._

"Because of course people can just CHOOSE when they want to do that," said Robin sarcastically.

_Kisame (Looking at Deidara suspiciously): What did you do now?_

_Deidara: Your partner is a psychopath! Yeah!_

_Kisame: What else is new?_

_Deidara: Well... on 'All My Ninjas', Jordan is cheating on Christie._

_Kisame(Looking astonished): No way! I thought he loved her!_

_Deidara (Patting Kisame on the back comfortingly): We all thought that._

_Then, in a freak concidence, the door fell on Kisame, knocking him out._

"Wow, that was one convenient accident, hmm?" mused Cyborg.

"Aww, I wanted to hear more about Jordan doing the cheat on Christie..." Starfire pouted.

_ In the clearing dust stood: Naruto, Hinata, Lee, Neji, Tenten, Shino, Gai, and Bob._

"One of these things is not like the other," said Raven.

"One of these things just doesn't belooooong~!" sang BB.

_Naruto (Looking relieved): Oh good! We knocked down the right door! (Turning to Hinata) See? I told we didn't need to stop and ask for directions!_

_Hinata (Looking exasperated): Naruto, you knocked down three doors before we got to this one._

"There's a joke to be made here about Naruto not knowing where to find the right entrance, but heck if I can think of it," said Cyborg.

_Neji: It was destined that we knock down those doors._

_Lee: Yes, we should be grateful that the power of youth led us to this door!_

_Gai: Sniffle. Oh Lee! You have blossomed in the power of youth!_

_(A/N: You know the drill.)_

"How many times has he done this joke in this story?" wondered Robin.

"At least once for every thousand words, it feels like," answered Starfire.

_Lee: Gai-sensei!_

_Gai: Lee!_

_So thus, Gai and Lee hugged like there was no tomorrow, but you didn't come here to see that, now did you?_

"I know **I** didn't," said Beast Boy, "but I can't speak for Cy."

This comment earned him a titanium fist to the side of his head.

_Tenten: Don't worry Hinata, they're men._

"Because that obviously explains _everything_," drawled Raven.

_Hinata (Looking at Naruto hungrily): Oh yeah!_

_Tenten: Eeeewwwww! TMI!_

_Hinata: Will you shut up if I give you the statistics from Neji-niisan's last check up?_

_Tenten: Yes!_

"Aaaannnd it just _wouldn't_ be complete without MORE bad sex jokes," muttered Robin.

_Hinata: Here._

_Hinata reached into her wallet, only to find herself face-to-face with a curious looking Naruto._

_Naruto: Watcha doin'?_

_Hinata (Looking comically shifty-eyed): Nothing!_

"_'I'm certainly not selling private details about my own flesh and blood just to make Tenten here shut up about me peeping on you!'_" went Beast Boy.

_Naruto: Oh. Well... your dad's unconcious, Lee and Gai are hugging, Shino is acting like a tree((1)), and two of the people who abducted us are attacking._

"That last one might be kind of important," said Cyborg.

_And indeed they were. Itachi had gotten Bob upside the head with a swift uppercut, and then proceeded to torch the surroundings with liberal use of his Katon techniques, while Deidara had blown up Gai and Lee with a clay spider._

_Neji: It is fated that you die this day._

_Itachi: A Hyuuga could never beat an Uchiha!_

_Tenten: Well Neji is one of the best rookies to come out of Konoha, and you are exhausted from the previous fight. You will not come out of this alive!_

"Yyyyeaaaah, I dunno..." muttered Beast Boy. "That still seems like a match up in Itachi's favor."

_Itachi: As long as we manage to obtain the no-tailed beetle and the nine-tailed fox, it does not matter what happens to me._

_Everything stops and you hear a record scratching._

"I do not hear this scratching record," said Starfire. "Do you, friend Raven?"

"No I do not," answered Raven dryly.

_Naruto: Okay, this is ridiculous, there is no such thing as a no-tailed beetle demon._

_Itachi (Looking confused): There... isn't?_

"Well, I bet he definitely feels like an idiot now after ordering all of those '_We ❤ the No-tailed Beetle Demon_' shirts," commented Robin.

_Naruto: No. No there isn't._

_Itachi: Hoo boy... this is embarrassing. Okay, how about we let you go, and nobody ever speaks of this again._

_Naruto: Throw in a 'Jutsus R Us' gift-card, and we'll call it even._

"_'And not one of those cheap five dollar ones, either,'_" said Cyborg.

_Itachi: Deal._

_So, in the end it was neither courage, nor valor that won the day, but rather... Naruto's common sense?_

"I know!" said Beast Boy. "I couldn't believe it either."

_ ... That is ridiculous! Who writes this trash? ... Wait, what? I write it? ... Weeellll, this is awkward... tell ya what, I'll throw in a quick omake to compensate for the weak story-line._

"I highly doubt anything **you** can write could actually make up for that _trainwreck_," muttered Raven.

_Omake_

_It was the Sunday morning after all the insanity, and Hinata was going on a leisurely walk when she was stopped by a Shino-y looking Shino._

"As opposed to a Kiba-esque looking one," said Cyborg.

_Shino: Did you ever tell Kiba that you guys found me?_

_Hinata (Putting one arm across her chest and scratching her chin in a classic thinking pose): ... No, I didn't. Why? Did he die of a heart attack when he saw you?_

_Hinata giggled at her joke,_

"Dude, when did Hinata get so MORBID?" wondered Beast Boy.

_ and Shino waited patiently for her to stop. He's pretty good at that, being best friends with Kiba. When Hinata stopped giggling he responded in his usual stoic, holier-than-thou tone._

_Shino: No. He didn't notice me. He was too busy leading a search party, consisting of dogs that he 'liberated' from the pound._

"I remember when Beast Boy did that, one time..." muttered Robin. "Those fines were ridiculous..."

"Well, BB _did_ keep turning into a snake or a mouse to just slip through the bars," Cyborg interjected. "He made, what, eight escape attempts before we came to bail him out?"

"Something like that..." grumbled Robin peevishly, shooting a pointed look at a suitably sheepish-looking Beast Boy.

_Hinata: Yeah, exactly the kind of thing Kiba would do to find a lost team-mate._

_As she said that, Kiba ran past, along with a small army of stray dogs. It seems the dog catcher wasn't too happy about Kiba breaking into his pound for the fourth time that month, and decided that Kiba needed to be neutered._

"The jumble verb tenses in this are really annoying me," said Raven.

_Kiba: OH! HI SHINO! SINCE YOU'RE BACK, WOULD YA MIND HELPING ME GET RID OF THESE DOG CATCHERS?_

_Shino: No... I would rather see you suffer for your stupidity._

"A sentiment I understand wholeheartedly," said Raven again, eyeing Beast Boy.

"What?" said the changeling, sounding harried.

_EF9: Oh Shino! Well that wraps up Another Saturday!_

_Kyuubi: Yeah, now you can focus on Naruto: Champion Tournament._

"I'm just glad WE won't have to review that," said Robin.

"I am sorry we cannot do more of this..." said Starfire sadly.

"Yeah, Star," said Cy. "I think you might be the only one who feels like that."

_EF9: Yes, that is true... as soon as I choose the challenger from the vote I have gotten! Yeah, just so you know, it hurts my feelings when you don't review my stories._

"Man, though," murmured Beast Boy, "I feel TIRED. Those commentaries take a lot out of you."

"Yes, I imagine it must be hard for you to be consistently that witty," said Raven sarcastically. Although Beast Boy seemed to miss that and take her words at face value.

"Gee, thanks, Rae!" he said, beaming.

The empath scowled at him.

...her cheeks were just a touch pink, though.

_DEF666: So cheer him up by leaving a nice review. It's the only way he will update on time._

_((1)): I borrowed this from Link and Luigi's story 'Calendar'._

"And wrapping it all up with more stolen jokes," mused Cyborg. "That almost seems fitting."

_TTFN!_

* * *

><p>AN: Some characters are a lot better for doing scathing commentary than others. Starfire is not one of those characters.

**Updated: **1-28-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	5. Naruto Lounge

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the Fifth:**

Naruto Lounge

_A collection of stories about the life of the characters offscreen. Leave me challenges in your reviews, if you want. Warning: Ooc'ness, evil plots, and blankies! Yay! Kisame minific inside! Rating upped for safety! Please review! On Hiatus._

Hayate smiled a little too sweetly at the summary.

"On hiatus?" he said. "After eight years, I think you can just call it dead❤"

"Dead?!" gasped Fumi. "I didn't know you could kill a story!"

Ayumu chuckled nervously.

"Well, if it's Hayate-kun..." she said, "...he could probably find a way."

Hayate sweatdropped.

_Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,812 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 8/6/2006 - Published: 7/7/2006_

_Naruto Lounge_

_EF9: Well, this idea has been floating around my head for a while. So I decided to write it. Gomen, please forgive me for not updating Invader Naruto or Another Day, but as they are chaptered fics and I am not skilled at speed typing (Not to mention I have trouble getting enough ideas to fill a page, on average,) I might take awhile._

_Kyuubi: Meaning you're to lazy._

"Is the author lazy?" Ayumu wondered. "He updates some of his fics pretty frequently... although the ones he doesn't update do tend to pile up, don't they?"

Hayate laughed.

"He's just bad at managing his time," said the butler in debt.

_EF9: That's cruel man, just, cruel._

_DEF666: This is one of those drabble fics, with a different short-story in each chapter, as such they do not affect each other, plot-wise. Kyuu-meister, disclaimer._

_Kyuubi: EF9 doesn't own Naruto, and he probably never will._

_EF9: But a guy can dream. BTW they are like cartoon-actors in case ya get confused, yeah, but I'll keep their relationships with one-another in mostly the same manner._

"Cartoon actors?" said Fumi. She made an emoticon face. "Een-con-sheeva-booru!" she exclaimed in an utterly _horrid_ approximation of English.

_000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

_It was a fine day, the members of the show's team 7 and team 8 had finished shooting early, so the director gave them the rest of the day off, and then Kiba treated the ones who had worked that day to pizza and bowling._

_Yes sir, this was great day and it was about to get better, Kakashi had asked Kurenai on a date and they left teams 7 and 8 at the café, (SEINFELD STYLE! Sorry.)_

Hayate: Wait, Kakashi and Kurenai? I'm not too familiar with the series, but...

Fumi (aghast): CHEATING HARLOTRY! She is sleeping with another man behind Asuma-sensei's back! Is Kakashi-sensei the REAL father of her child? Was she leading Asuma along all this time? OH MAI GAWD!

Ayumu: *sweatdrop* Um... Was _Kurenai x Asuma_ even established as a pairing, back then...?

Hayate: Probably. The author is just an idiot❤

_"Hey Dobe, why don't you, Hinata, and Kiba go to the park, and let me and Sakura have some alone-time."_

_"What? And leave Hinata with those two! ARE YE DAFT MAN?" shouted Sakura hitting Sasuke upside the head._

Ayumu: *blush* Th-threesome?! *nosebleed*

Fumi: Probably not!

_"Well actually, I have to take Akamaru to the v-e-t." said Kiba._

_"Arrf rwowf," which in dog means 'I can spell better than you.'_

Hayate (cheerfully): Oh? That must be a very bright dog.

Fumi: Or a VERY dumb owner!

Hayate (sheepishly recalling Fumi's dog, Armageddon): Well... I guess you would know all about that, wouldn't you...?

_At that correction by Kiba, an evil smirk crept upon her lips._

Fumi (perplexed): Eh? Who is "her"?

Hayate: *sweatdrop*

_"Oh, so it will be just Hinata and Naruto. Then by all means, go ahead."_

Ayumu: Oh! "Her" must be Sakura!"

Hayate: *sweatdrop the second*

_"Uh… okay." Said the confused blonde. Confused by what? You ask, why, many things; like how Kakashi could have gray hair? And why is Tsunade-baachan always tired? And why are his clothes orange? (XD Not even he knows!) But he complied like a good boy. (Tobi: Achoo!)_

_Later, when they got to the park, they saw Gaara in the sandbox making sand-figurines (they still have their ninja powers)_

Fumi (cheerfully): That is quite half-assed!

Hayate: Ah... I actually agree with you on that. Scary.

_ and Temari trying to flirt with a sleeping Shikamaru, but what she doesn't know won't make her hurt him. Naruto said the first thing that came to mind._

_"Where's doll-boy?" At this something incredible happened, Gaara no sabaku, laughed. Not a snicker or a chuckle, but a full-blown roll-on-the-ground-until-you-cry-from-from-laughing laugh!_

Ayumu: Huh?

Hayate: I think that was supposed to be the punchline.

Fumi: (°Д°) What a half-assed set up!

_000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

_EF9: Well there is the first one. And feel free to include a challenge in your reviews!_

_Kyuubi: Subliminal messages, not bad._

"I don't think you know what subliminal means..." said Hayate slowly, smiling. "The author really is an idiot❤"

"You mean he WASan idiot..." said Ayumu. "...right?"

Hayate smiled.

"No, the 'is' was quite intentional!" he chirped.

"Says the guy the author has starring in all kinds of dirty stories~" said Fumi.

Hayate's smile turned distinctly _icy_ at that reminder.

_EF9: Thanks!_

_Kyuubi: But not impressive either._

_DEF666: Review._

_EF9: Wah! I didn't get any reviews!_

"Wow," said Hayate. "What a brilliant transition!"

Ayumu sweatdropped.

"Hayate-kun's sarcasm is oddly scary..." she mumbled.

_Kyuubi: There, there, you big baby, I'm sure someone will review. Or so help me, I'll crush them, I need my peace and quiet._

_DEF666: EF9 doesn't own Naruto._

_EF9: WWAAHH!_

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Fumi parroted. "WHY ARE WE YELLING?!"

"That's just you~" was Hayate's response.

Fumi blinked.

"Oh," she said.

_Kyuubi: Start the story._

_000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

_Deidara, Hinata, and Anko had gathered for the monthly meeting of the Society of Creepy, Shy, and/or Psychotic Naruto Stalkers, or S.C.S.P.N.S., for short._

Ayumu (blushing): Umm... I'm not the only one who thinks that acronym sounds kind of... _dirty_, right?_  
><em>

Fumi: Es... cee... es... OH! (°Д°) S*x p*nis! How **bold**.

Hayate (chuckling nervously): A girl really shouldn't be saying such things...

Ayumu: Considering the author's usual taste in humor... I wonder if that was intentional?

Hayate: That... is a distinct possibility.

_ The room they were in was dark and lit by a sole hanging light bulb._

_"Now to report the minutes of the last meeting, the club scribe, Viper."_

_"Arigatou, Bunny-sama. Minutes 1-7: Member Boomboom elects to place hidden cameras throughout subject Fox-Man's residence, for research purposes, and proposes a vote. __Minutes 8-11:_

Fumi: I did not think that was how you recorded the minutes!

Hayate: It almost certainly isn't.

Ayumu: Wow, most of those nicknames seem pretty transparent... aside from Bunny-sama. No idea who that's supposed to be.

Fumi: THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW! (°Д°)

_ Votes are tallied by member Teme-san, who then gets membership suspended for failing to install said cameras. Minutes 12-43: members Bunny, Windy, and Violet are on surveillance mission. Member Windy suspended for being caught by the subject, and member Violet suspended for abandoning mission to argue with subject Pinky. That is all."_

Ayumu: Wait, Violet is... Ino? That's a surprise.

Hayate: You'd think something like "Lily" would be a more logical choice.

Fumi: So Bunny-sama must be Hinata, after all! OMG! THE WORLD KNOWS AFTER ALL!

_" Good, now I propose we think of a way to silence those who attack subject Fox-Man, and reject member Teme's membership permanently." Said Deidara who was putting lipstick on the palm of her hands._

Ayumu: ...

Hayate: ...

Fumi: OH MAI GAWD! DEIDARA'S A— *promptly tackled to the ground by Hayate and Ayumu*

Hayate (speaking in a weak, forced monotone): I have no idea what you are talking about, Fumi-chan. But you definitely shouldn't say such troublesome things.

_Hinata, who was dressed in a purple and yellow version of the Hokage robes, wrote a reminder on the scroll she was carrying. "Okay, now I say that we recruit some more members, to plan subject Fox-Man's birthday party, all in favor say aye."_

_"Aye."_

_"Aye."_

_"Aye."_

_Just then a light clicked on, revealing the room to be a bathroom, and Naruto stepped in, looking like he really had to go. "Read the sign." He said as he escorted the ladies out, pointing at a yellow sign on his front that read 'All cults wishing to meet in this apartment must consult Naruto a week before the meeting and bring the payment decided by Naruto to the meeting to pay the fee. Any dooms-day cults must pay 500 dollars to meet in the apartment.'_

Ayumu: Wow, that was almost a funny twist!

Hayate: Yes. If only the author had a better grasp of pacing❤

_"Oh yeah, I forgot." Said Anko scratching the back of her neck nervously while the other two sweat-dropped._

_"Now you have to pay a fine of 1000 dollars." Naruto said matter-of-factly. And where the three girls stood was a cloud of dust. " Gets 'em to leave every time." He then sat down to enjoy some pocky he had snatched as part of training, grinning like a fox the whole time._

_000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

_EF9: Hope you liked this installment of Naruto's lounge._

_Kyuubi: Review or I'll sic the twerp on you._

_DEF666: And flames will be used to burn Kakashi's books, which will be blamed on any and all flamers._

"Poor gay people," said Fumi sadly.

Hayate sweatdropped.

"I am almost a hundred percent certain that is NOT the intended context," he said.

_TTFN!_

_**Kisame Hoshigaki's Adventure!**_

_EF9: Welcome everybody! It's Shark Week on discovery channel!_

_Kyuubi: So in honor of Shark Week, we are doing a chapter about the most under-appreciated shark man in Naruto!_

"_Is_ he underappreciated?" wondered Ayumu aloud.

"Maybe back then!" said Fumi. "This is a pretty old fic, after all."

_DEF666: Sigh. Kisame Hoshigaki. Whatever._

_EF9: Now to do our disclaimer, the shark named number one most dangerous by Discovery Chaanel, the bull shark!_

_Bull Shark: Glub gurgle splish grr. (EF9 doesn't own Naruto.)_

"An interesting tidbit!" said Hayate cheerfully. "Sharks, like most fish, don't actually have vocal chords! The same is true for the majority of reptiles and amphibians. Complex sound producing organs are, outside a few notable exceptions, largely exclusive to birds and mammals!"

"Wow!" said Ayumu, clasping her hands and smiling warmly. "You're so smart, Hayate-kun❤"

"THE MORE YOU KNOW!" exclaimed Fumi with great enthusiasm.

_LINE_

_Kisame woke up at 5:00 am, yawning drowsily and rubbing his eyes free of gunk. Looking at his goldfish centerfold calendar, he saw the day's date marked, with a message scrawled in red ink. Shark Week! Was all it said._

_Kisame (Blinking stupidly for a few moments before gasping in realization): Whoa! That fish is hot! …Oh yeah and it's Shark Week. SHARK WEEK? ALRIGHT!_

Hayate sighed longsufferingly.

"Script format...?" he said miserably, channeling the author's own ennui. "Again?"

"Script format," said Ayumu, shaking her head sadly.

"Again!" agreed Fumi. "(°Д°)!"

Ayumu sweatdropped.

"How... do you _say _an emoticon...?" she wondered.

"Practice," was Fumi's answer. "Lots and lots of grueling practice."

A beat.

"Also, Sharna-chan taught me," Fumi added a moment later, unashamed.

Ayumu did a facefault.

"Of course..." she sighed, sweatdropping a second time.

_On the other side of the base Itachi, who was just having a nice dream where Deidara gave him a kiss for his birthday, woke with a start._

Hayate sweatdropped.

"The author was REALLY insistent on Deidara being a girl, back then, wasn't he...?" he mused.

"Which is funny, because I've never heard of a girl using _ore_ to refer to herself," remarked Ayumu.

"I have!" said Fumi. "Only once or twice, though."

_Itachi: My foolish brother senses TM are tingling._

"I get the feeling that was supposed to be superscript..." Hayate sighed.

_Okay, so maybe he isn't that smart. Anyways back with Kisame, who has finished changing out of his Finding Nemo pajamas._

_Kisame (Running out into the hallway): Yes! I'm ready, I'm rea- OOF! (He runs into a black cloaked venus flytrap.)_

"Spongebob?!" exclaimed Fumi.

Ayumu sweatdropped.

"You have pretty odd tastes, for a Japanese high school girl..." she remarked sheepishly.

_Zetsu: Oh sorry. **Watch where you are going, lunch.**_

_Kisame: Gulp. Y-yes Z-zetsu-sama._

"Wow," said Hayate, "Kisame's a real pushover in this story."

"He really didn't get any respect back then, did he...?" mused Ayumu.

"PROBABLY NOT," said Fumi.

_Kisame decided to go to the kitchen and prepare breakfast. But when he got there he realized they were out of cereal. So he went to AL's room, to ask for permission to go shopping._

_Kisame (Opening door then staring in disgust at-): AL-sama? What are you doing?_

_AL (Looking up from ravishing Yugito Container of the nibi, remember?__)_

"What?" said Hayate, sweatdropping.

_ What?_

"No, seriously," said Hayate. "**What?** That..."

"Konan-chan won't be happy when she learns about this!" said Fumi.

"Pain-san is surprisingly unfaithful," added Ayumu, smiling a little too innocently.

_Kisame: What are you doing to the jincuuriki?_

_Yugito (standing up and straightening out her kimono): What? He said he'd let me go if I made out with him. (Points at AL Which in case you haven't figured out stands for Akatsuki Leader)_

_AL: Uh… I did no such thing? (Chuckles nervously and scratches the back of his head)_

"...wow," said Hayate slowly. "That is _amazingly _low."

_Kisame (Looking thoroughly creeped out): Right. Can I go buy some cereal?_

_AL: Ahem. (Gives Kisame the kind of look a mom gives their kid when they burp and don't say excuse me)_

"You are in no position to be acting superior," Hayate said icily. His smile was unmistakably dangerous.

_Kisame (Looking more like an annoyed teen than an S-class criminal): Sorry. May I please go to the store and purchase some breakfast cereals, because are out and it is better to get it as soon as possible, rather than wait until people start to complain._

_AL (Looking satisfied And no not like that you dirty perverts): Fine. But bring Tobi with you._

_Kisame (Downright confused by now): Why Tobi?_

"Why, indeed...?" mused Ayumu, sweatdropping.

_AL: Because, now that he is an official member, he must learn how to contribute to the organization._

_Kisame: Oh okay. … By the way, you do know you sounded liked someone on one of those pledge drive things, right?_

_AL: Yes, yes I do._

"Hypocrite❤" said Hayate, far too cheerfully to be genuine.

_LINE_

_EF9: Okay there you have it Part 1 of Kisame Hoshigaki's Adventure._

_Kyuubi: Part 1?_

"Part One?!" parroted Fumi, eyes wide. "Oh mai GAWD! (°Д°)"

_DEF666: Yes. Part 1. He is too lazy to do the whole thing in one go._

Ayumu glanced down the page.

She smiled weakly.

"Um... It looks like this is the end of it, though..." she said.

"Good riddance❤" said Hayate.

_EF9 (Ignoring my two muses completely): Well. Tell me what you think and give me ideas, and people who give me nice enough reviews might just find them-selves getting a cameo next chapter! Remember reviews inspire us authors to get off our lazy asses and start writing!_

_TTFN!_

"OWARI DA~" said Fumi, making her signature emoticon face. "(°Д°)!"

"What an excitable underclassman..." said Ayumu sheepishly. "I' m almost envious of you, Hayate-kun."

"Don't be❤" was all Hayate said, smiling brightly.

* * *

><p>AN: WELL.

It has really been almost three full months since my last update of this, huh. But I'm sure I'll get through all twenty SOMEHOW. Even if I hit TWO hundred fics before that happens. (And I'm already at almost a hundred and thirty...)

On another note, Hayate the Combat Butler does not get NEARLY enough love on FFN.

**Updated: **4-25-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	6. Naruto: Champion Tournament

**[NOTE FROM EDITOR FRANK KNIVES: This section rated unofficially M for vulgar language, violent innuendo, and excessive amounts of Caboose.]**

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the Sixth:**

Naruto: Champion Tournament

_The students fight for the honor of their teachers in this sequel to Invader Naruto. Rated for moderately mature themes and occasional harsh language. One original character, forty percent more drama, and ninety percent more cheesiness._

"Jesus FUCKING Christ," groaned Private Leonard Church, official designation 'Epsilon'. "No. No way in HELL am I coming back to do something like THIS. And sure as SHIT not with YOU bastards!"

"Come on, Church!" said Private Michael J. Caboose, waving his arms around wildly. "It'll be fun!"

"I dunno, Caboose," said Tucker, first name Lavernius, who was technically the most senior member of the Blue Team once stationed in Blood Gulch. "I think I gotta side with Church on this one. Even if he is an asshole."

"I fucking hate you, Tucker," Church muttered.

"And I'm already having trouble remembering why we wanted you back," Tucker effortlessly riposted.

"Best. Friends. FOREVER!" declared Caboose.

"This is the worst idea I've ever heard," Agent Washington sighed.

_Crossover - Invader Zim & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 4,991 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 8/15/2008 - Published: 7/21/2006_

_EF9: Okay, konnichiwa, faithful fans and first-time readers of my stories, have I got a treat for you. A special tournament!_

"OH MY GOD!" said Caboose. "A TOURNAMENT! Is it checkers? I am very good at checkers."

_Kyuubi: Yes, EF9 has decided to write a more action filled story, there will be eighteen participating ninjas, plenty of fighting!_

_DEF666: But, unfortunately, EF9 sees it as his duty to write humor._

"This is especially unfortunate," drawled Tucker, "since he has NO sense of humor. I mean, **Wash** is a better comedian than this chucklehead."

"Gee, thanks," Washington muttered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You're a real pal, Tucker."

_EF9: So worry not, faithful readers, you will still get some of my humorous fare. And, you can vote for the match ups you want!_

_Kyuubi: It will go like this, the matches will take one chapter each, and at the end of each chapter the name of one of the fighters will be announced._

_DEF666: And you must review, and leave the name of who you want to fight against the ninja named at the end of the chapter._

"Good GOD," Church groaned. "How long is this freaking author's note? Get to the story, already!"

_EF9: By the way this is a companion fic to Invader Naruto, and now with the disclaimer we have team 10!_

_Asuma: Come on guys get it over with._

_Choji: I want meat!_

"That's what she said," Tucker said.

Caboose cocked his Mark V helmeted head to one side, like a perplexed poodle clad in a half ton of high tech body armor.

"...I don't get it," he said.

"How old ARE you?" Wash wondered out loud.

"That is a secret," Caboose replied. "And I can't tell because then it wouldn't be a secret anymore."

Church may or may not have rolled his eyes.

_Ino: I am not going to do his dirty work._

_Shikamaru: Sigh, troublesome. EF9 doesn't own Invader Zim, Naruto, or Fairy Kyuubi (LON: He's my invention… sorta.)._

_Kyuubi: Now start the prologue, OF DOOM!_

"Fucking FINALLY," Church muttered. "This story can't possibly be any dumber than that retarded ass author's note."

"Oh, I don't know," Caboose said. "I don't think it was THAT dumb."

"Yeah, you wouldn't," Tucker quipped.

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOM_

_It was a bright and sunny day, and the rookie nine, team gai, team 13, and the sand siblings, were given the day off so their sensei's could have their weekly game of poker._

"That sounds like it would be a more interesting premise for a story," Wash commented. "If well written."

"So, of course, it would suck if written by this dumbass," said Tucker.

_Asuma: (puffing on a cigarette and looking at his hand) Hmm…two pairs and a jack. I raise ten dollars._

_Kakashi: Ten dollars, you sure seem brave._

"Why are they using dollars in a world of ninja written by a Japanese person born in the twentieth century?" said Caboose.

Church stared at the regimental-blue armored private.

"...Jesus FUCK," he swore. "This story's so stupid it's making Caboose sound **intelligent**."

"I think I am very intellimagent."

_Baki: Look who is talking, you aren't even playing. (to the others) I fold._

_Kurenai: Hah! The big bad sand man hasn't stayed in once! __I raise three dollars and a ramen coupon._

"...is that supposed to be funny?" Wash wondered out loud.

"I've heard better jokes at a funeral," Tucker commented.

"Yeah, that Grif guy _did_ do a pretty good roast of his team's sergeant," Church agreed.

"...Dude, what?" said Tucker. "I was talking about YOUR funeral."

Church responded with a very rude gesture.

_Gai: YES! VICTORY SHALL BE MINE, FOR I HAVE A YOUTHFUL FULL HOUSE! I RAISE FOURTEEN DOLLARS!_

"OH MY GOD! WHY ARE WE YELLING?!" Caboose shouted.

_EF9: Excellent. (Inner chibi does the Mr. Burns thing with his hands) I raise twenty-five dollars._

Washington blinked. This was a rather difficult gesture to convey with a closed helmet and opaque visor, but he managed to get it across.

"...wait, I thought this was the story?" he said. "Why is the author still talking?"

"Ehh, it's probably just a coincidence," said Tucker with a dismissive wave of his hand.

_Kurenai: I fold._

_Asuma: I'm staying in._

_Gai: I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE WITH MY FIERY YOUTH, FOR YOU SHALL NOT INTIMIDATE ME!_

"WHY AM I STILL YELLING?"

"Shut up, Caboose."

_EF9: Okay. Hands in._

_Gai, Asuma, and EF9 laid their cards on the table to reveal Asuma's two pairs, Gai's full house, and EF9's… royal flush!_

_EF9: All right, I win. Fork over the dough. Hah! I can't believe it! I usually have the worst of luck at this game! And I win forty-nine dollars! (Inner chibi does a shameless victory dance.)_

Tucker stared at the screen.

"...what?"

_Asuma: Oh well, I'm still the best instructor. One of my students my students is a chuunin after all._

"'And I will automatically assume that everyone reading this knows EXACTLY what that means,'" Wash droned sarcastically, ostensibly imitating Asuma.

_Kurenai: Sweetie, Shikamaru was a genius before you started teaching him._

_Gai: INDEED! MY STUDENTS FAR OUTSHINE ALL OTHERS!_

"KITTENS! PUPPIES! OTHER SILLY-SOUNDING WORDS THAT MY CHARACTER WOULD RANDOMLY SHOUT OUT LOUD!"

"_Jesus,_ Caboose," Church swore. "Right in my fucking ear. Or, well, headset I guess. Don't shout into the microphone."

_Kakashi: I'm afraid you are mistaken, Gai, I have the best students._

_Baki: Hah! You make me laugh, does your team have a jinchuuriki with near ultimate power?_

"'And, again, I will assume you all know EXACTLY what that means without offering any kind of explanation whatsoever,'" said Washington.

_Kakashi: As a matter of fact, yes. And he managed to defeat Gaara in his full Shukaku form._

"'And, **again**—'"

"Dude, seriously?" Tucker interjected. "It's _fanfiction_. If you stop to bitch every time they name drop some weird ass term with no explanation, we'll be here all night."

"Are you defending this story, Tucker?" Wash inquired, a dangerous tone in his voice.

Tucker went silent.

_Seeing that this is a good time to stop a fight from breaking out, EF9 steps in and proposes that they settle the debate with a tournament._

"Well that sure wasn't out of nowhere or poorly-developed at ALL," Church drawled.

_ The rules being no killing the opponent, and that they be randomly chosen, one-on-one battles between their students._

_So the others agreed and went to inform their students._

_The next day, the six teams met up at the stadium that was used for the third portion of the Chuunin exams. The matches to be judged by Shizune, refereed by Jiraiya, and Tsunade was there to make it official. (But mostly because she likes watching kids beat the snot out of each other.)_

"I have no idea who this lady is, but I like her style," said Tucker.

_Tsunade: Okay, we are here to see kids wail on each other because their sensei's are too wimpy to settle it themselves. Now, the first match is-_

"OH MY GOD A CLIFFHANGER!"

"**SERIOUSLY**, CABOOSE! SHUT UP!"

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOM_

_EF9: Okay now you readers must vote for who you want to fight-_

_Kyuubi: -Against Sasuke Uchiha._

_DEF666: Now review and vote for who you want to up against Sasuke!_

_EF9: And it can't be anyone on his team._

"Because goodness knows that nobody has _ever_ wanted to beat the stuffing out of their teammates," Tucker drawled.

_TTFN!_

_EF9: Well, here is the second chapter._

_Kyuubi: Neji vs. Sasuke!_

_DEF666: Woohoo… whatever._

_Tsunade: Sasuke Uchiha versus Neji Hyuuga._

"Wait, is that part of the author's note, or the story?" said Washington, confused.

"Truly, a flawless transition," said Tucker, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

_Jiraiya: Okay, into the stadium. And remember no biting, no hitting below the belt, and no killing._

"'We really can't stress that last one enough,'" said Church, looking pointedly at Caboose.

Caboose stared right back at him.

He waved.

"Hi, Church."

_As the two prodigies entered the arena there was a cacophony consisting of cheers, jeers and cat-calls._

_Deidara: Ita-chan, what are we doing here? Yeah._

_Itachi: Hn. Okay, one: I want how strong the fox vessel is, two: my foolish brother is here, and three: don't call me that._

_Orochimaru: Be quiet down there. The match is starting._

"Oh my god it's_ Moldyvort!_" Caboose exclaimed, pointing at Orochimaru.

"I think you mean _Voldemort_," Wash interjected. A pause. "...not that I'm a fan of the books or anything, mind you," he added unconvincingly.

_Kabuto: Not to be rude, master, but what the hell are we doing hear?_

"Yeah, what the hell ARE we doing 'hear'?" Church drawled.

"It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it?" said Tucker facetiously

_Orochimaru: What? Can't I take my favorite minion out for a night on the town?_

_Kabuto: Oh never mind._

_Jiraiya stepped out of the ring indicating the start of the match had begun. Neji started out by charging at Sasuke at top speed (A/N: Which for ninjas is pretty dang fast)_

"GAH!" Church swore. "_Jesus!_"

"Well that certainly came out of nowhere," Wash remarked.

"So the author's notes at the beginning and end of the chapters aren't enough for him anymore, huh?" Tucker mused.

_ who was brandishing a kunai dagger in a defensive stance with his sharingan activated._

_Neji struck Sasuke's left shoulder with a standard juken palm thrust, and followed up with a heavenly spin, which blew Sasuke half way across the arena. Looking like a burnt potato from the chakra burns,_

"Hot potato!" Caboose declared.

_ stood up, and charged at Neji, bellowing bloody murder._

_Neji braced himself for what he knew was coming, having seen Lee practice this move countless times. Sasuke reappeared kicked Neji upward, appeared behind him in the manner of the shadow leaf dance, and followed up with a lions barrage._

_Neji lifted himself off the ground, moving noticeably slower, and readied himself for his ultimate attack, Hakke Hyaku Nijuha Sho (Eight Trigrams One Hundred Twenty-Eight Palms.) Sasuke activated Chidori Nagashi (One Thousand Birds Current.)_

"I fucking hate weaboos." Church muttered.

_When they met there was a surge of energy as Neji's palms connected with the electric field surrounding Sasuke, but thanks to Gai's grueling training methods, he had both the stamina and the tolerance for pain_

"Yes, because _clearly_ electrocution is something you can just learn to resist," said Wash a tad bitterly.

_ to continue his siege on Sasuke's chakra circulatory system 2…4…8…16…32…64…128 strikes!_

"Gee, I never would have guessed he would hit him one hundred and twenty-eight times," Tucker drawled. "I mean, it's not like it was RIGHT THERE in the name of his attack, or anything."

_Sasuke swayed side to side, clearly feeling the detrimental effects of the screwed up chakra system. He then collapsed._

_Gai: WELL MY ETERNAL RIVAL! IT SEEMS I HAVE DEFEATED YOUR PRIZED STUDENT!_

"I AM STILL YELLING EVERY LINE OF DIALOGUE FOR NO REAL REASON!" Caboose hollered.

_Kakashi: I'm sorry, did you say something?_

_Gai: Ooooh, it burns me up when he acts so cool._

"Ha. Ha. Ha," said Church, sounding distinctly unamused. "Temperature puns. Clearly this story is the very fucking _pinnacle_ of humor."

_Shizune: Well, it looks like this match goes to Neji Hyuuga._

_Sakura and Ino: HOW DARE HE HURT OUR SASUKE-KUN!_

"MORE YELLING!"

_Naruto: Oh come on! In the series Kishimoto shows very clearly that Sasuke defected from Konoha because he felt threatened by my rapid growth!_

_EF9: Okay I'll cut off here to avoid having to up the rating._

"Well. That was certainly abrupt," Wash commented.

_Kyuubi: And now you must vote for who you want to fight against Zim!_

_DEF666: Also, EF9 apologizes for the lack of humor in this chapter._

"'And in the whole rest of the story, too,'" said Tucker. "'In fact, he just apologizes for ever trying to write anything, ever. Period.'"

_EF9: Yes, for I wrote this when I was half asleep and needed room for the fight. Please review and vote!_

_EF9: Okay, here is chapter three, and thanks to LackOfName for being the only person to review chapter two._

"Someone's being awfully passive aggressive," Wash observed.

_Kyuubi: Read the story and review so we can choose the match-ups._

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOM_

"Okay, this inconsistent use of transitions is SERIOUSLY starting to piss me off," Church grumbled.

_Tsunade: Now for the next match we have Zim What's-his-face versus Ino Yamanaka!_

_Asuma: Well, well, well. Looks like I'll be able to get payback for the poker game._

_EF9: Huh. Yeah, he's probably right. Fighting is not Zim's strong suit._

"'I am a bland and unlikable self-insert,'" said Tucker.

"The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem," said Caboose in what would have been a sage tone of voice if it had been used by anyone other than _Caboose_.

_Naruto: Finally, we get to see what those freaks can do!_

_Sakura (Glaring at Naruto): Naruto, don't call people freaks. It's rude.** Inner Sakura: That freak's going down!**_

"That's almost funny," said Church. "_Almost_."

_Shikamaru: Sigh. This is too troublesome._

_Choji: Yeah. I hope we can finish this soon, I want to get some barbeque for lunch._

Caboose was silent for a moment. Then he spoke.

"Church. Hey, Church. When we're done, can we go out for—?"

"No."

"Aww."

_Tenten: Shush, the match is starting._

_Indeed the match had started, Ino started out by throwing two shuriken at Zim. Zim retaliated by parrying the shuriken with a senbon needle, throwing the needle at Ino, and using the couple of seconds he gained from that move, he breezed through hand signs, opened a scroll, thrust his right hand into the dirt, and called out **KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!** (Art of Summoning)_

"And all of that in just one sentence," Wash said.

Tucker clapped sarcastically.

_Ino gasped in surprise as a puff of smoke appeared next to Zim._

_Zim: Mini-moose! Incapacitate the target!_

_Mini-moose squeaked in affirmation of Zim's command, and sped towards Ino in all its floating moose-y glory._

"OH MY GOD, IT'S A **MOOSE!**" Caboose exclaimed. "A _FLOATING_ MOOSE!"

"This is retarded," Church muttered.

_Ino ducked to her left to avoid getting beaned in the head, suddenly she let out a cry of pain._

_Asuma: Huh? What happened to Ino?_

_Shikamaru: I have an idea of what happened…_

"'Yes, allow me to comment on what's happening,'" said Wash, "'instead of making the writer actually show it.'"

"Fucking _A_," Church agreed. "Exactly. That's like Writing 101."

_Kakashi: Yes, it would appear as though Zim used the smoke from the summoning to cover his moves. Though what he did past that is beyond me._

_Naruto (Looking rather grave): Asuma-sensei, I think you should call the match._

_Asuma: Why would I do a thing like that?_

_Sakura: I think it may be the kunai sticking out of her chest._

"Bow chicka... bow wow...?" said Tucker. He sounded conflicted.

"She IS only twelve, you know," Wash interjected.

Tucker swore.

_Naruto (Nodding his head sagely):_

"Because this is clearly a very intellimagent character," said Caboose, nodding sagely.

_ Yes. Although it isn't fatal, she will need treatment right away to avoid straining herself._

"Yeah, I'm calling bullshit," Church said. "I don't even KNOW anything about _Naruto_, but I'm pretty fucking sure the main character doesn't talk like that."

"I concur," Wash agreed.

_Choji: What I want to know is, how did that happen._

"What happened to the squiggly line in his question mark?" said Caboose.

"Fatty there probably ate it," Tucker quipped.

"Tucker!" Caboose exclaimed. "That's not very nice. You shouldn't say that where Church can hear you. You'll hurt his feelings."

Church resisted the urge to make a very rude gesture.

_Shikamaru: He threw two kunai, after he issued the command, one on either side of Ino, timed so that if she dodged the moose thing, they would hit her._

_Lee: Yes. That makes perfect sense. Either way she would get hit._

_Tenten: Yes, and when used properly, a thrown kunai knife can easily stun, incapacitate, or even kill an enemy._

"_Jesus_. This has to be the most boring fight scene I have ever read," Church muttered.

_Neji: The seconds that would be gained from such a strategy are crucial for deciding a shinobi battle, any good ninja could use those precious seconds to next to a foe so that they may deal a killing blow._

_Sasuke: But since the aim of these battles is to either KO your opponent, or get them to surrender…_

"Good GOD, are they really still going?" Wash gaped. "It's like color commentary on a chess match, except that a chess match would at least have some element of suspense to it. This is just unforgivably _boring_."

_EF9: Then the strategy he used is sufficient to earn a victory._

_Shizune, having recovered from the initial shock, lead Ino to a spot where medic-nins would tend to any and all wounds. After making sure everyone was listening, (by blowing an air horn) she announced that Zim was the winner._

"That was the most boring fight scene ever," Tucker remarked

"Of all time," added Caboose unironically.

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOM_

_EF9: Well, there is chapter three, I know it wasn't that funny, but you must admit that it's hard to mix action and humor._

"It's even harder when you can't write either," Church snarked. "Seriously, that fight scene was fucking BORING."

_Kyuubi: Yes, and in a fighting story, the best we can do is stick some jokes in, between the action._

"What jokes?" said Caboose, sounding genuinely confused (not a big feat for him).

"What _action?_" added Tucker, sounding decidedly more bitter and sarcastic.

_EF9: For the next chapter, you must vote for who you want to fight with Kiba Inuzuka._

_Kyuubi: And it still can't be anyone on his team._

_EF9: So please review, for I need them in order to keep writing (hinthint)._

"'I am a shameless fucking whore,'" Church drawled.

This elicited an amused snort from Agent Washington.

_TTFN_

_EF9: Whee! This is the next chapter of Naruto: Champion Tournament!_

_Kyuubi: Hell yeah! Turn it up! Sin-_

_DEF666: For the sake of whatever deity you worship, shut up! This is not a song fic._

"If his name didn't have '666' in it like some kind of stupid preteen, I'd say this was probably the most intelligent person in the story so far," Tucker remarked.

"I don't know," said Wash sarcastically. "I think you're _vastly _underestimating the contributions that Gai has made to the intellectual discourse of this fic."

"What guy?" Caboose asked.

"_First base,_" snipped Church, cutting in before the bit could become excessively long or obnoxious.

_EF9: Yeah, I do not own Naruto, Fairy Kyuubi, or the song 'Take Me Back'._

_Kyuubi: Roll cameras._

_DEF666: Story starts in 3… 2… 1!_

* * *

><p>"Oh my <em>god<em>," Wash whispered.

"OH MY **GOD!**" Tucker exclaimed.

"OH MY GOD!" Caboose shouted. "WHY ARE WE YELLING?!"

"Oh, _god_," Church groaned, dearly wishing he could massage his temples right about now.

"That might be the first not-horrible scene transition this author ever used," Wash murmured.

"Calling him an author is a bit too complimentary, don't you think?" said Church.

"I dunno." Tucker shrugged. "I checked out his portfolio, and I really like some of his more recent stuff."

"Yeah, I have no idea what half of the stuff he writes is supposed to be about," said Caboose. "It is very weird and not at all upsetting."

"...seriously, one of these days someone is gonna have to give Caboose the Talk," Church muttered.

"Not it," Tucker said.

"Not it," said Wash at the same time.

"Not it!" Caboose also shouted. "I am the winner."

"...because there is no fucking way that am I going to do it," added Church at the exact same time. "Goddammit."

_Tsunade: Okay! The next match is Kiba Inuzuka versus Sakura Haruno!_

_Sakura and Kiba walked out to opposite sides of the field, where they then started to stare each other down._

_Sakura: Glare_

_Kiba: Glare_

_Sakura: GLARE!_

_Kiba: GLARE!_

"Well **this** is certainly suspenseful," said Tucker sarcastically.

_Temari: Whoah! That is a hell of a lot of glaring!_

"'I am really excited by this!'" said Church, doing an exaggeratedly feminine voice. "'For some reason!'"

"Bow chicka bow wow!" Tucker chimed in.

"Jesus, Tucker... I'm pretty sure she's only fifteen." Church winced.

"Fuck off, dude, I'm not letting you rain on my parade," Tucker sniped back. "She's _anime_ fifteen. That's like **thirty **in real person years."

"_Classy._"

"I try."

_Ino: Sakura better not lose!_

_Choji: Gee, Ino, I never realized how much you cared about her!_

_Ino: Shut up Choji! When I beat her I want it to count!_

_Shikamaru: Of course, how troublesome._

_Ino: Shut up you lazy bum!_

Wash gestured dismissively.

"Get a room, you two."

_Asuma: Stop fighting you two! Save it for your fights._

_Choji: But… Ino has already fought…_

_Shikamaru: Yeah… and she lost._

_Ino (Going all demonic-chibi like): Oh… why you blah blah blah! Yak yak yak! Drivel drivel drivel!_

"Heh... heh heh, that was actually kinda _funny_," Tucker remarked.

_(A/N: Uh… heh. I'm not that good at Ino-rants. Heh. So I just put that. Use your imagination to fill it in.)_

"...so of course the author immediately goes and craps all over it." He sighed. "Goddammit."

_While this was going on EF9 was rewarding Zim for his victory in his match._

_EF9: Zim, you did a great job… I am now sure that I have a good chance of winning the bet!_

"What's the reward?" Caboose wondered. "Is it pie? Is it _delicious_ pie?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's not pie, Caboose," said Church.

_Zim (Saluting): Sir yes sir! We are sure to be victorious!_

_Gaz (Playing her game slave. Why didn't I tell her not to? Because she is freaking scary!): Hn._

_Dib: I know I can defeat anyone they throw at me!_

_EF9: Don't get too confident, now. You are not much better than Zim in combat, and Ino specializes in spying. Her fighting skills pale in comparison to some of the others._

"'Yes, which is why I will crap all over your confidence,'" said Tucker. "'Just like how I crapped all over the only remotely funny line in this story. I'm almost as great a teacher as I am a writer!'"

_Down in the arena, Kiba and Sakura had finished trying to intimidate each other, and now were following each other's every movement._

_Naruto: Woo! Go Sakura-chan!_

_Sasuke: Hn._

_Kakashi: Time to see who is better._

_Hinata: Go Kiba-san. Sorry Naruto-kun… but Kiba is my team-mate. I hope you understand._

"Oh, _please_," said Church. "Like we've never hoped to see one of our teammates get their asses kicked."

_Kurenai: Sorry Kakashi, Naruto may have beaten Kiba before, but Sakura doesn't stand a chance._

_Shino: …_

_Kiba (Looking at Shino up in the bleachers): Thanks Shino! I knew you would cheer for me!_

_Shino: …_

_Kiba (Looking offended): Gasp! Shino, how dare you talk like that!_

_Shino: …_

_Kiba (Looking downright furious by now): WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER!-? THAT IS IT! YOU ARE GOING DOWN, BUG-BOY!_

"I have... nothing to say to this," Wash sighed. "I can't even tell whether that's funny or just straight up idiotic."

"_I_ think it's funny," said Caboose helpfully.

"...yeah, that seals it," Church muttered. "It's **definitely** retarded."

"I am helping!" Caboose cheered.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that," said Tucker.

_Kiba leapt into the bleachers, ready to punch Shino's lights out when he heard a beautiful voices, it was like a chorus of a thousand Stradivarius violins played by the gentlest of angels._

"I wonder what THAT is building up to?" said Church sarcastically.

_Hinata (Smiling sweetly in a way that would turn gay men straight, turn more perverted women into lesbians, and make anyone who is attracted to women, go mad): Kiba-kun…_

Tucker hummed thoughtfully, and clicked on a browser tab. Immediately there popped up a rather... _explicit_ picture of an older Hinata Hyuuga in a most decidedly compromising position.

"Well..." he said slowly. "_I'd_ do her."

Wash made a disapproving noise in the back of his throat, covering Caboose's visor with his hand. He gave Tucker a pointed look.

"Sheesh, _fine_," the blueish/greenish-armored man muttered, and closed the tab.

_Kiba had a sparkly pink background filled with hearts, and he literally floated over to Hinata. (A/N: Poor, poor lovesick fool.) Meanwhile several boys were unconscious from nosebleeds (except for the stoic and otherwise asexual ones, though Sasuke did break out in a cold sweat), and Naruto even proposed to Hinata!_

"Gee, I wonder what pairings the author ships?" Church muttered.

Tucker choked on a laugh.

"_Pairings?_" he said. "_Ships?_"

Church made a very rude gesture.

_Hinata made a note to take Naruto up on his offer later._

_Orochimaru (Whispering half to himself): Screw Sasuke-_

"'Sssscrew decent writing,'" said Wash, imitating an exaggeratedly hissy cartoon snake voice.

_Kabuto: Isn't that what you have been trying to do?_

"Wow. Pederasty jokes about Orochimaru," said Tucker in a complete monotone. "How original."

_Orochimaru (Mildly annoyed): Let me finish my sentence. Screw Sasuke, if I had that girl's body I could use her shojo charm and just convince people to teach me jutsus._

_Kabuto: But master, in order for shojo charm to work, you need to be so pure and innocent that you literally project an aura of kindness and love. I mean, let us face it, you may be many things (A/N: Like a two faced, silver tongued, lily-livered, effeminate gay pedophile who betrayed his closest friends and killed his father figure.)_

"I'm just gonna pretend that Kabuto is muttering the stuff in parentheses under his breath," Church remarked. "That would actually be kind of **funny**, as opposed to just disgustingly abrupt and hamhanded on the author's part.

_ but innocent shojo, you are not._

_Orochimaru: Ah yes. Damn._

_Oh right! Back to the conversation at hand!_

"Wait, what were they talking about again?" said Caboose. "I forgot."

_Kiba (Smiling like a fool who believes he's in heaven): Yes, my sweet, adorable Hinata-chan?_

_Neji made a note to pound the living daylights out of Kiba for hitting on Hinata._

_Hinata: Kiba… (Suddenly chibi with a big angry head and flames coming out of her mouth) YOU LOST!_

_Kiba (Looking dumbfounded): Huh?_

_Shino: Yes… idiot… you wee disqualified _

"Ach, wee laddy! Ye dinnae think this through," said Tucker in a ridiculously fake and forced Scottish accent.

_ for leaving the match. Just to beat me up for something I didn't say or think._

_Kiba: Oh…_

_Shino beat up Kiba very hard, and Kurenai begged the Jiraiya to change his mind. (He decides the winners, remember?)_

"I remembered!" said Caboose. "Yes, I definitely never forgot about... that thing you just mentioned. I remember it."

_Kurenai (On her knees with her hands folded in front of her and waterfall tears going down her face): Please reconsider!_

_Jiraiya: Well I might be willing to change my mind, for a price, of course…_

"Okay," said Tucker. "You know what? If there was any time or any place where this could have _ever_ been justified, it was here." He noisily cleared his throat. "_BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!_"

_Kurenai (Looking very violated indeed): You know what? Forget it. It's not my fault if Kiba is stupid._

_Jiraiya: Actually, as a teacher you are supposed to remedy that kind of a problem._

_Kurenai: Well, shit._

"'I just got lectured on teaching by a man who offered to cheat on my student's behalf in exchange for doing him sexual favors,'" said Church, doing a ridiculously bad imitation of a female voice. "'Mom was right. I should've gone to Harvard.'"

_Meanwhile EF9 was telling his student how he became a jounin._

"A.k.a.: _pointless OC backstory nobody cares about!_" declared Wash, sounding just a touch bitter.

_EF9: I remember when Hokage-sama administered a special test to make sure I was elite ninja material._

_Dib: But, aren't jounin chosen by the Hokage's appointment?_

"Well... _technically_ it's never really stated exactly _how_ jounin are selected in canon..." Caboose said.

The others stared at him like he had just spontaneously sprouted a second head.

_EF9: Correct, however, I didn't have any truly outstanding talents, besides being really sneaky. So Tsunade, decided to see how tough I was, with a special test. The last part of which was a test where a bunch of attacks were hurled at me to see how I handled them._

"'It was a real _test_ of my _test_-taking skills to pass this _test_ they were _testing_ me with,'" Church said. "Honestly: use a damn thesaurus!"

_Flash Back_

_A volley of ten throwing knives appeared from the right, I grabbed a kunai from my holster and used it to knock down three of the projectiles, I then threw my throwing knife ahead, where it knocked one kunai out of it's path and into another one._

_I managed to move out of the way of four of the weapons, but the last one grazed my shoulder. Luckily I was smart enough to wear padding, which prevented me from getting any actual damage. Then two nondescript chunin rushed me from behind._

_I lashed out with my left leg, catching one on the chin. The other got close enough to punch me in the gut, I countered by catching him in a choke hold, and slamming him into the ground._

"I think this is just tedious," said Tucker. "And I say this guy should never try to write a fight scene ever again."

The other members of Blue Team nodded in agreement, except for Caboose.

_For the last part, all I had to do was protect myself from a high level fire technique, and then counter with the most advanced jutsu I could perform. I managed to dodge the fire dragon jutsu, and followed up with my most advanced technique, wind style: razor wind burst._

_End Flash Back_

_EF9: … And that is how I became a jonin!_

_EF9 then looked around to see that his students had walked off, obviously intending to use the time between matches to visit with the others._

_EF9: Aww man, nobody ever listens to my story._

"HAH!" Church laughed. "Amusing."

"You're saying you thought was funny?" said Wash, eyeing Church worriedly.

"No, of course not," Church replied. "The thought of no one ever reading this loser's stories, however..."

"Ah, yes. I agree wholeheartedly."

* * *

><p><em>EF9: Aww… poor me, review and let me know that there are people that like my stories.<em>

"I like your stories!" Caboose cheered. "They are very... story-ish. With lots of sprinkles and butterflies on top."

"No you don't, Caboose," said Tucker.

"Oh," Caboose said. "I don't like your stories! I hate how _story-ish_ they are."

_Kyuubi: Yeah, that bit of background on his self-insert character, was just filler for those who wanted some action for this chapter._

_DEF666: And information on the strange jutsu he used._

_EF9: I think I made it up, but: Wind Style: Razor Wind Burst Jutsu, is a technique where the user breathes in, and when they exhale, it releases rapid fire wind bullets, that push back and tear into the target._

_Kyuubi: Just so you aren't confused!_

"My GOD this is so **boring**," Tucker moaned. "Are we done yet?"

"I wouldn't get my hopes up," Wash muttered.

_DEF666Review and vote for who you want to fight against Rock Lee._

_EF9: Right, you are able to choose from:_

_Naruto_

_Shikamaru_

_Choji_

_Hinata_

_Shino_

_Kankuro_

_Gaara (But, probably not, it would be too hard to write a fight between them)_

"'By which of course I mean that I am to lazy to be bothered with that option,'" Church snarked.

"Oh, I don't know," said Caboose. "I don't think you're _that_ lazy, Church."

"...God, I hate you."

_Temari_

_Dib_

_Gaz_

_Kyuubi: Those are your choices._

_DEF666: Now… review!_

"'And no, I am not remotely needy, what are you talking about?'" Tucker said.

_EF9: Well, here is the newest chapter of Naruto: Champion Tournament!_

_Kyuubi: This chapter's match up is Rock Lee versus Gaz Membrane._

_DEF666: Start the fic._

_Tsunade: The next match is Gaz versus Rock Lee!_

_Dib: I hope Gaz wins!_

_Naruto: That creepy girl is gonna have a heck of a time trying to beat Gejimayu (Bushy brows)._

"Fucking weaboos."

_Gai and Lee were having an emotional pep talk, while Tenten stared at thing 1 and thing 2 making complete fools of themselves. EF9 was eating popcorn and had a soda drink hat on. Those who weren't on the teams of the next two fighters, were settling down to enjoy the match._

_Sasori: I hope they start sometime soon, I don't have all day._

_Deidara: I've been thinking, yeah._

_Sasori: that's a nice change of pace._

All of the Blue Team members simultaneously looked at Caboose.

"...what?" Caboose said. "Do I have something on my face?"

_Deidara: You didn't let me finish! I was saying that it is ironic that you are so impatient, yeah._

_Sasori glared at Deidara._

_Sasori: You might want to watch out for Orochimaru._

_Deidara: He only likes little boys, I'm not a boy, yeah._

_Sasori looked at Deidara in way that just yelled 'I'm not buying it'. He then lowered his gaze to Deidara's chest. Out of curiousity, he reached out and groped Deidara's chest._

"Best way to tell if a guy is secretly a chick," said Tucker sagely. "Y'know, just make sure that they really _are_ a chick beforehand."

"Speaking from personal experience, are you?" Church drawled.

Tucker replied with a comment much too rude to be transcribed.

_Sasori: Woah... oh yeah, Deidara is definitely a chick!_

_Deidara looked at the grinning Sasori, and slapped him tto the other side of the stadium._

"That definitely sounds like something that would happen to Tucker," said Wash with a touch of amusement."

"Oh, kiss my ass!" Tucker snapped.

_Ino: It's a bird!_

_Shikamaru: It's a plane!_

_Choji: It's Superman!_

"Super-_duper_-man!" Caboose cheered. "HOORAY!"

_Deidara: No, it's a perverted puppet._

_InoShikaCho: Blink. Uh oookaayy..._

"Aww..." said Caboose, sounding disappointed.

_Gaz and Lee, by this time, were prepared for the match. They went to the center of the stadium, and Jiraiya motioned for them to begin._

_Gaz: You should give up, there is no way you can defeat me._

_Lee: I am a taijutsu master. Do you honestly believe that you can compensate for your disadvantage with intimidation?_

"'My kung fu is stronger than your kung fu,'" said Church.

"'No, MINE is,'" said Tucker.

_Gaz: Hn. Shut up and fight!_

"The most sensible thing said in this story thus far," Wash commented.

_Lee started by throwing a left hook at Gaz's face, Gaz ducked and her feet under Lee's legs, Lee jumped over the attack, and shot his right fist at Gaz's jaw. That_ _attck didn't miss._

"I miss my _attck_," Caboose mused.

"No you don't," Church interjected. "That isn't a thing."

"Or maybe it is and you just don't know it," Caboose retorted with all the maturity of a four year old.

_ Gaz was knocked back by Lee's punch, she stood up and started doing hand seals, she then muttered something incomprehensible, and exhaled a fire attack in the shape of a giant pig._

_Sakura: Amazing... what was that?_

_EF9: Gaz's specialty ninjutsu... 'Katon: Gokaino no Jutsu (Fire Style: Grand Fire Boar Technique)._

"Okay, there is NO way you can make that sound cool," Tucker said. "It's a fireball shaped like a freaking pig. If this is supposed to be funny, you're doing a TERRIBLE job of showing it."

"Can I have a fire-pig?" Caboose asked.

"No,"/"No way in HELL!" said Wash and Church in unison.

_Lee got hit directly by the attack, he stumbled and fell to his knees, covered with first and second degree burns. He slowly stood up, knowing that he would have to win now, or he wouldn't make Gai-sensei proud. So he opened the first chakra gate, and attacked Gaz with Initial Lotus._

_Neji: Hmm... Lee is clearly desperate to use the lotus..._

_Gai: It would seem so._

"'Our commentary is more interesting than the actual fight,'" Tucker said.

_Gaz and Lee crashed into the ground, kicking up a lot of dust._

_Jiraiya: Well... it looks like neither of the competitors are able to continue, so I declare this match, a tie!_

_EF9, Dib, Zim, Gai, Neji, and Tenten: What!_

"'WE ARE SO SURPRISED WE FORGOT OUR QUESTION MARKS!'" Caboose shouted.

_EF9: But... she... is my best student..._

_EF9 then sat down and started moping about how he was going to lose._

_EF9: Waah! I'm gonna lose!_

"It's no better than what you deserve," Church jeered.

Wash and Tucker nodded in solemn agreement.

_Kyuubi: Well there is the chapter, for the next fight, you must choose who you want to fight against, Kankuro._

_DEF666: That is right your choices are as follow:_

_Naruto Uzumaki_

_Shikamaru Nara_

_Choji Akimichi_

_Hinata Hyuuga_

_Shino Aburame_

_Dib Membrane_

_Tenten_

"Does anyone else notice something off about this list?" Caboose said. "It's almost like one of those things doesn't belong."

"And obviously that thing is _Dib_," Wash drawled.

_EF9: So review and vote for who you want!_

_TTFN!_

"I could think of few things that could be an acronym for," said Tucker in tone which suggested he was almost certainly waggling his eyebrows behind his visor.

Church made a gagging noise.

_EF9: I have decided to take this story off of hiatus and update!_

_DEF6:** So what? It still sucks.**_

"This man speaks the truth," said Wash.

"Truly, he is the wisest of them all," Tucker agreed.

"Even if he is a stupid preteen," added Church.

_Fairy Kyubi: I'm free! Free at last!_

_EF9: You stay._

_Fairy Kyubi: Drat._

* * *

><p><em>After everybody had calmed down from the excitement of the previous match, Tsunade announced the next match.<em>

_Tsunade: The next match is Kankuro against Tenten! Everybody get ready to rumble!_

_After Tsunade made her announcement Temari turned to Kankuro._

_Temari: You better not lose, dumb ass._

"That's not a very nice to say to your brother," Caboose said.

"Shut up, Caboose," said Church.

_And with those words of encouragement spoken, she threw Kankuro into the Arena. Tenten was already there._

_Tenten: Okay freak, I'm gonna kick your ass all the way back to Suna!_

"'Because that is apparently where you are from,'" said Wash testily.

"Give it up, man," Tucker told him.

_Kankuro (Glaring): And what makes you think you can beat me?_

_Tenten (Smirking evilly): This._

_She then lifted her top. Apparently, Tenten prefers to go bra-less._

"Oh, HELLS YES!" Tucker cheered.

Wash and Church looked at him disapprovingly.

_EF9 (Nose bleeding): Man, for once I'm glad I'm only fifteen._

"Only fifteen? No _wonder_ he's such an awful writer," Church drawled.

"Indeed," Wash agreed.

_Dib (Looking confused): Why?_

_EF9 (Looks at Dib, wearing a smile, a mile wide): Because, I can ogle those babies (Gestures to Tenten's assets) without being called a pedophile._

"...not cool, man," Tucker muttered, his enthusiasm considerably lessened.

"Don't worry about it," said Church facetiously. "She's _anime_ fifteen. That's like **thirty** in real people years."

Tucker gestured obscenely.

_Dib (Deadpan): So… You're just another pervert?_

_EF9 (Still smiling): Yup._

"I don't get it," said Caboose.

"We'll explain it when you're older," Wash said.

* * *

><p><em>Well, there's the long awaited chapter. Don't forget to review and vote for who you want to fight against <strong>Shino Aburame<strong>. The people left are:_

_**Naruto Uzumaki**_

_**Shikamaru Nara**_

_**Dib**_

_**Gaara**_

_**Temari**_

_**Hinata Hyuga** (But you can't pick her)_

"And we totally remember why we can't pick her, of course."

"Shut up, Caboose."

"Okay."

_Vote!_

_EF9: … Eep! (Hides behind a chair)_

_William: Come now, old chap. I am certain they are not as angry as you fear._

_EF9: Art thou mad? _

"Art _thou?_" Church snorted.

_We're not talking about kindly gentlemen here. These people are fanfic readers like me. And we fanfic readers are neither patient nor civilized! They'll eat me alive for daring to show my face after going so long without updating!_

_William: Well, it is hardly your fault. After all, real life does take precedence._

_EF9: They don't care. I'm dead meat!_

"That's the best news I've heard all day!" Tucker cheered.

"HOORAY!" Caboose joined in.

_FairyKyubi: Goddamnit, EF9, you're worse than the twerp._

_EF9 (Shocked): Take that back!_

_DEF6: Why should he? It's true._

_EF9: Et tu Brute?_

"Classy literary references don't belong here," said Wash, feigning a scandalized tone. "This is _fanfiction!_"

_DEF6: Si._

_EF9: Sigh. Fine, I'll do it. But don't say I didn't warn you!_

_FairyKyubi: Whatever you say, dumbass._

_Disclaimer: I do not claim property of either Invader Zim or Naruto. They belong to Jhonen Vasquez and Masashi Kishimoto respectively._

"What is it with fanfiction and disclaimers, anyway?"

"A delusion that saying you don't own something would actually mean anything in court."

_"Okay! The next match is between Gaara of the Sand and Shino Aburame!" declared Tsunade, "Now, will both challengers please step into the arena."_

Church: FINALLY! Now _we_ can be the lazy ones using script format to talk.

Caboose: HOORAY FOR LAZINESS!

_The clamor ceased as the audience beheld the two young shinobi who would be fighting for their amusement. Neither one spoke as they gracefully strode into this arena of combat. Finally, they reached the center of the field and locked eyes with one another. Neither one intended to lose._

_"Please allow me to apologize in advance," stated Shino, "but I'm afraid that for the honor of Kurenai-sensei, I must defeat you."_

Tucker (sarcastically): Yes, for the honor of the woman who almost considered performing sexual favors to help one of her students cheat.

_Gaara narrowed his eyes. '**Sand coffin!**'_

_In the stands, the onlookers braced themselves for what was about to come-_

Wash: Did they bring umbrellas?

_But instead, they heard something they never expected: Girly screams._

_"EEEEEEEEK! A BUG! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET! IT! **OFF!**" shrieked a terrified Gaara, before he became engulfed in a swarm of kikaichu, or destruction bugs, as they are called._

_"That's just embarrassing," said the female Deidara, who was, ironically, doing some very embarrassing things to herself. Things that I cannot mention here for fear of increasing the rating again._

Tucker: Bow chicka—_OW!_

Church (aiming a pistol at Tucker): Not another word.

Tucker: Hmph. Spoilsport.

_...**-Minutes Later-**..._

_While Gaara's convulsing form was dragged out of the arena, EF9 was confronted by someone he did not expect: Tsunade. He squirmed under the Fifth Hokage's scrutiny._

_"Am I to believe, Daimaru, that you lied to one of your students about your age?"_

Wash: Who?

Caboose: What?

Church (sighing): Why _me?_

_"Ehhh… Heh heh… Is there really any need for you to use my real name?"_

_Tsunade glared at him threateningly. "This is a very serious matter. Not only did you lie about your age, you lied about how you became a Jounin. And I suppose you neglected to mention the first thing you did as a Jounin?"_

_EF9, now also known as Daimaru, nervously jerked his shirt collar. "C'mon, that's all in the past…"_

Tucker: This is boring. Go back to topless chicks!

Church: She was _fifteen_.

Tucker: **Anime** fifteen. Which is like real-person _thirty!_

_"No, it isn't! Your past actions were terrible; you destroyed countless lives without a second thought!"_

_"But-"_

_"NO! No buts! I will not stand by and watch you destroy that girl's life!"_

_"What do you know?" shouted Daimaru angrily, "I love that girl! I only want to make her happy!"_

_"You sick fuck!" roared Tsunade, "That girl is your daughter!"_

Caboose: BAD LANGUAGE!

Wash: And needless angst.

Church and Tucker: _**Ugh**_.

_"… W-what? How can it be? I thought-"_

_"You thought what? That there was no way her mother could survive your accursed embrace? Well, you thought wrong," growled Tsunade hoarsely._

Church: Blah, blah, freaking blah. Just skip ahead to the funny crap, dammit!

_"W-which one?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"Which one… was her mother?"_

_"It was Tian-li," she said._

_"… Heh… It figures…" Daimaru whispered before dropping to his knees._

Tucker: GOD, I hate angst. This is so forced. I can't even think of any dirty jokes to make about this guy dropping to his knees in front of this super busty blonde chick.

Wash: You know she's actually fifty, right?

Tucker (aghast): _Anime_ fifty? Jesus! That's like... a _hundred!_

_"…" Tsunade averted her gaze. She hated when he got like this, because she was never able to tell if his tears were genuine, or just an act._

_"Tian-li… she was the only one I ever really loved, y'know?''_

_"And yet you tried to kill her all the same," Tsunade said accusingly._

_"No… I mean, I suppose I tried to kill her, but my heart just wasn't in it, y'know?"_

Caboose: Wow, this guy sucks at his job. I am WAY better at killing people than he is!

_"Sigh… Just stay away from her, okay?"_

_"Fine."_

_"And I want you to focus on training your students."_

_"Of course."_

_"Remember, if you fail to mold them into loyal shinobi, then it's over. This is your one second chance. Don't blow it, okay? I'm sure Minato would have wanted you to do this."_

Wash (sarcastically): Because we ALL know who that is.

_"… Thank you Hokage, ma'am. I, Daimaru Daishin, will not disappoint you!"_

Church: Yes you will. You SUCK.

_'I hope so,' thought Tsunade._

_FairyKyubi: … Wow, and I mean WOW. I can't believe it. You have officially changed a terrible self-insert, into a slightly less terrible original character, and you have even set the stage for potential future growth. If you manage to pull this off without completely screwing up your story, I'll be impressed. But, from the looks of it, chances are it will only get worse._

"I agree with the last part of what the fairy said," Tucker drawled.

"Ditto," said Wash.

"PIKACHU!" Caboose shouted.

Church facepalmed his visor.

_EF9: Uh, thanks?_

_TBC!_

Church looked down.

"Nope. It really isn't," he said, unable to conceal his glee. "We're almost over with this goddamn trainwreck!"

"Unless TBC stands for something else entirely," Wash suggested.

"Like what?" said Tucker. "Tasty bayou chicken?"

"They're finger licorice good!" said Caboose.

_**Author's Note**_

_Hello everyone, this is EvilFuzzy9. I hate to say it, but I will probably not be updating any of my stories regularly for a while. And while I'll try to do what I can, my account will probably be largely inactive in the coming months._

"If only it could have STAYED inactive," Church sighed wistfully.

_I suppose right about now some of you are wondering why this should be. Well, with college classes starting in a couple weeks, I predict that most of my remaining summer will be spent not on the computer, but in reflection and mental preparation for a year of change, a year of hardships and triumphs._

"Okay, knowing this fuzzy guy, that sounds like total bullshit," Tucker commented.

"I agree wholeheartedly," said Wash.

_ Of course, there's a good chance that once I settle into the routine I'll resume updating. But until that happens, this is EvilFuzzy9 signing off._

_P.S.: I'll probably still update occasionally, but I don't want y'all getting your hopes up._

Caboose looked down.

"Aww, the story's almost over."

"Good riddance," Church muttered.

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_…. I'll be back…_

_(Fade to black)_

"FINALLY DONE!" Church shouted. "It's about frigging time. I feel like we were stuck doing this for _months_."

"Poor fourth wall," Caboose remarked.

"Where's my paycheck?" Tucker muttered.

"We were doing this _pro bono_," Wash told him.

"...goddammit."

* * *

><p>AN: Wow. I had ALMOST forgotten that this fic was a thing. The first half of this chapter was done ages ago, but I didn't convince myself to actually finish it until today.

I suppose the one or two people following this might appreciate the update, haha.

**Updated: **1-23-15

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


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